King of the world
by yulieyuna666
Summary: Russia has finally taken over the world! BUT somethings not right with him. He decides to buy a personal servant and has his eyes on a certain girl with red eyes. Fem!PrussiaXRussia
1. New girl

King of the world

**Disclaimer: I do not own hetalia or any of the characters ect.**

_**Warning: This story contains touchy subjects, gore, sexual scenes, and Russia.**_

_Follow me_

_Become one with me_

_Do as I say_

_Do not test me_

_For I am the king of the world_

_I do not hesitate_

_To do what I mean_

**Caution is always top priority here, for the man who sits on the throne has the cuteness of a small child, but holds the cruelty of a twisted monster. The name given to him, Ivan Braginski, stills the hearts of even the most well-built man and creates panic amongst the villagers. Some children cry in the middle of their sleep about a boogeyman, here they scream in hopes **_**he**_** isn't there. I tell you, do not lock your doors in the night,no, do not make the same mistake so many others have made. He thinks it a challenge. Do not lay your children in seperate rooms, he loves hide-and-seek. Do not hide your woman, keep them as if nothing is wrong. He will have no rebellion, only bloodshed. I tell you this because I know many others will not, they are too afraid. If you have any questions, concerns or have any need of me, I live at the farmhouse at the edge of the city. The one with the bright red barn with the soviet flag hanging in the window.**

**Be careful and welcome to hell,**

**Eduard von Bock**

**Once known as Estonia.**

The note on my door scared me, I had known of the king, but had dissmissed such things as lies and rumors. Now, no matter where you went, he was there. The entire world, taken over by one man, surely the rumors would spread right? I had moved here from a provinance once known as Germany to work at his large, castle-like mansion as a personal maid. What the hell am I getting myself into exactly?

I was to stay in this small hut of a home apon my arrival and wait untill a servent was sent to fetch me. I lit a small fire in the fireplace and threw in the note, if the rumors were true, I didn't want that man to get in trouble. I had very few belongings, barely enough to fill a single suitcase. I brought out a brush and my nightgown, slipping into it and stringing my long white hair into a braid to sleep. The bed was bare except for a sheet and a single pillow so I threw my long trench coat over myself and closed my eyes.

_In my dream, I was walking down a long corridor towards a large set of double doors. I threw them open to see my brother. He was sitting upright at a large table, facing away from me._

_"Bruder" I called, my voice heavy and distant as I ran over to him and turned the chair to face me._

I woke up with a scream, pressing my hands to my chest where a ring hung on a chain around my neck. A thud caught my attention and I scanned the room, my eyes falling on a woman sitting next to the fireplace with her legs crossed. She was wearing a blue maids dress with a white apron.

I wet my lips, "who are you?" I asked as politely as I could. The woman huffed and flipped her long blond hair, "Natalia Arlovskaya, brother sent me to fetch you."

"Brother?" I asked, swinging my legs over the side of the bed and creeping to where I had hung my clothes from the day before.

"Theres no time for that, put them in your bag and lets get going. Brother will not be kept waiting any longer." Her voice sent chills down my spine, but I did as I was told. I slipped my coat on and shoes and grabbed my bag, following the woman out onto the main road.

"So who is your brother?" I asked, scrambling to catch up.

"Ivan Braginski is my brother, as is he your new master" she said coldly and I nearly tripped, "I have controll over the provinance of Belarus."

It seemed like hours before we came apon a large iron fence, a twisted path leading to the mansion. How the hell could she walk all this way so easilly in heels? Once the gate was opened, she led me up to the main entrance.

"Brother says you will not sleep within the servants corridor" she hissed angrilly, stopping in front of a large oak door. The doornob was crystal and the edge of the door was carved with sunflower designs. She knocked twice before opening, grabbing me by the wrist and throwing me inside roughly before closing the door behind me with a loud _bang_.

"Ow" I whinned, rubbing my wrist where she had grabbed me when a deep, low chuckle ecoed from across the room. I froze.

A shadow fell over his features so all I could see were his eyes, glowing a bright violet. Childish was not the word I would use to describe such eyes. On the surface, they were cruel and menacing but below I could see the tears of an abused child. I'm not saying I would try to hug him or pity him, I'm just saying he seemed tramatized, not cruel.

He took a step and I swallowed a scream. He had short-cut blond hair and a fairly dark complexion. Now I can see why they called him childish, his face plump with youth yet angled with age. He had an oh-so-fake smile streatched across his features and his his shoulders were bent back ever so slightly in a dminating stance. He was _huge_, standing at least 6' 9'' with broad shoulders and arms that looked as if they could pick up a tank and throw it with ease. He wore nothing but a pair of black pajama pants.

"You like what you see?" He asked slyly, opening his arms up to motion to himself. He took another step towards me, then another, seeming somewhat dissapointed that I didn't take a step back once we were face to face.

"Word has it, you can see right into peoples soul with such beautiful eyes" he whispered, dragging his thumb below my right eye almost painfully, "such beautiful red eyes."

He bent down, but I lashed out, pressing my arms against him and pushed him just enough so he couldn't reach me. I wasn't about to let him have his way, king or not. A low growl emmitted from his chest and he grabbed a fistfull of my hair, throwing me roughly onto his bed.

"You will learn to behave my little flower" he said in a child-like voice, pressing against me so I couldnt move, " I own you now."

"You do not own me" I whispered back, malice dripping from every word, "and my name isn't flower." He backhanded me, a loud crack ecoing through the room.

"It is now" he whispered, his breath against my neck. He sat up and left me on the bed, trailing over to the window. Surprised, I laid there watching him. He picked up a bag from a desk and threw it towards me.

"Change into that, it will be your new uniform" he ordered and I pulled it out. It was a white and red maid outfit with a black apron, opposite of Natalia's uniform. I waited for a while before it dawned on me that he expected me to change in front of him.

"Is there a bathroom I could change in?" I nearly begged and he shook his head.

"Do not worry, I will not touch you" he said, his voice a tinge of sadness. I looked at his eyes through the reflection and saw that he was indeed sad. I stood up and turned away from him, stripping down and putting on the uniform. It fit perfectly, suprisingly. I don't recall ever giving my measurements. It was made of cotton, soft against my skin and came with a pair of shorts, much to my surprise. He seemed like the kind of man who would make me wear nothing underneath.

At least, thats what his first impression said. When I was finished, I spun to see him still facing the window, he wasn't even looking to me through the reflection. Such an easy book to read.

"You regret it" I said calmly as I had done so many times before with others, "so why do it?"

"You are not here to read me, flower" he said, obvioulsy annoyed at my words.

"Then why am I here?" I asked, still searching his every move.

"That, you will find for yourself. Now, you must be tired. Feel free to sleep, as I said before, I will not touch you." I curled up under the top cover, it was still warm. He moved to the other side of the bed and slipped under another cover, facing me. I waited untill he was asleep before allowing myself to follow.

The next morning, he was sitting at his desk filling out paperwork and humming to himself lightly. I sat up, sad to see my uniform slightly crumpled from sleeping in it.

"Come here, little sunflower" He said without looking up from his work and I scrambled over.

"Each morning you are to make the bed and bring me tea, another servant, Ravis, will show you how. After that you are to return here for anything else I assign for you to do. Again, Ravis will be showing you what is to be done and how. Understood?" He looked up on the last point and I nodded. Three knocks were heard at the door before a small boy with dirty blond hair stepped in.

"Y-you n-n-eeded me sir?" He said, his shoulders shaking and Ivan smiled cruely back. The boy gulped and nodded, "t-t-this way m-miss" he said, ushering me out the door. Once we were out of there, he took a deep breath and smiled sadly at me.

"So you must be the one everyone's bustling about, my name is Ravis Galante, once known as Latvia."

"My name is Maria Beilshmidt" his eyes grew wide and he bit his lip.

"I should probably show you what your supposed to be doing, less Belarus finds us slacking" he shivered.

I had a feeling, this was only the begining...

**OOOOK so this was kind of a spur-of-the-moment thing :)**

**But, thats usually how my stories start out**

**Please R&R **

**and as always, if u have any questions/concerns/ect PM me and I'll get back to you!**

**~Yulie**


	2. Bruises

**Such a little flower, so brittle and sweet. Skin like a porcelain doll, eyes the color of blood. Oh so beautiful! Something worries me though about my little flower, my little doll.**

**The scars she holds in a place no one should ever harm, ever touch.**

My chores were pretty self-explanitory. I was to make the bed every morning, make Ivan a cup of Camomille tea, and then I would be either dismissed to my evening duties o I would have to run an errand or two for him before. The errands were simple enough, fetch papers or file them away. My evening "chores" were cleaning my uniform and ironing it as well as bathing and cleaning up in the main foyer as well as the library. Once I get done with those, I'm allowed to eat and then I have to report back to Ivan's room, where I spend the rest of my time. The first week or so, it was very nerve recking to be near him, so I would sit in a chair opposite his desk and listen to him write. Now, I sit in the windowsill, counting the soft strokes his pen makes against the paper.

I can tell his every emotion just from his writing. I've always had that gift, being able to read the most minute things a person says or does. Most people think it's some kind of magical power I controll with my eyes.

Today, his pen hovers over the paper gently, each stroke lazy. He's tired. After a while he sighs, dropping his pen and rubbing his face with his hands, reaching over to take a sip of his tea.

"Little flower" he said and a nervous chill ran down my spine, he only says "little" when he wants something. I made my way towards him and stood perpendicular to his desk. He reatched out before I could sidestep him, wraping an arm around my hips and pulling me past the edge of his desk. I was waiting for him to make a move, ready to nail him between the legs, but he just let go.

"I have a question for you, flower" he said, turning to stack his papers, "where did they come from?" I paused, not quite knowing what he meant. He pressed his hand to my stomach, pushing me so I stumbled into a sitting position on top of his desk and he put a hand on my thigh, way to close for comfort.

When it dawned on me what he was asking, I crossed my legs and sealed my lips. What the fuck is this guys problem? Did he really expect me to just sit here and tell him that...

No, I wont ever think of that again...

"Well?" he pushed and rage bubbled up inside me. I jumped off the edge and slapped him as hard as I could. I expected shock, instead I got anger. He grabbed my wrist and stood, picking me up and slaming me back down against the top of his desk, hard. Tears stung my eyes and it hurt to breathe as he gripped my neck hard enough to crush my windpipe.

"There will be none of that, my little flower" he whispered in my ear, "I told you, you will learn to behave." He squeesed, my vision blurred and I felt myself drifting into unconciousness when he let go. I struggled to breathe, choking on the air, and he pinned me down so I couldn't sit up and hold my sore throat.

His fingers skimmed my throat and I was sure there was a bruise from the laughter that danced behind his violet eyes.

"Now" he whispered, "tell me."

"My fucking father" I tried to yell, but it came out in a cracked groan. His eyes turned dark and he let go, turning and walking heavilly to the door, slamming it shut behind himself. My heart dropped as I heard the outer lock click shut and I started to cry.

Fucking ass hole. Why did he care? Why would he care if his toy was broken? Or waqs he just mad someone got there before him?

It took me a while before I got off the desk and crawled into the master bathroom where I lost my lunch into the toilet bowl. The full-length mirror showed truth to my fears, a dark purpleish bruise was forming in the shape of a large handprint on my neck. I truned to the side and pulled up my dress, more bruises littered my sides and along my spine. I crawled back into the room and layed on the floor by the bed, facing the window. Beleive it or not, I wanted to crawl into the bed, feel the soft cotton, but it hurt to much to move.

Ass hole...

I don't remeber falling asleep, nor do I remember him coming back into the room. I only remember waking up in his bed and seeing him laying on the floor where I once was. My throat felt itchy, but when I tried to scratch it I hit fabric. My uniform was replaced by a soft, velvety nightgown and my hair had been brushed, a peice of my bangs in a braid. On my wrist where the other handprint bruise was, another white band wrapped around. I flipped the band up and was met with the smell of aloe vera.

For once I was dumbstruck, I couldn't read this man like I thought. One minute, he was a major dick, abusing me and digging into my personal space. The next, he was kind and thoughtful, giving me gifts and healing me.

You know that thing they call stockholme sydrome? Now I understand those victims. It's so easy to just get through the bad to find the good, but I won't be so easy.

That day, I was told to stay in bed. A doctor had come durring the night and told Ivan that my spine and sides had taken a lot of damage. He didn't work at his desk like usual, istead he took his papers into the library and sent Ravis to fetch me some food. It was nice to have the room, and the day, to myself. I spent most of the time buzzing in and out of sleep, eating and humming to myself while I brushed my hair.

It was almost heaven, almost.

**OK, for this story theres going to be kind of a lot of flipping forward because I don't really want to write this day by day. I shall do my best to mention how long into the future and a short summary of the time between inside the chapters :)**

**Oh, and theres also going to be some more character apperences.**

**I'm hoping to toss in England, Italy and Romano soon but I'm not sure how yet.**

**And, unfortunatly, America will not be in this story because he is dead (Although I may reffer to him later.)**

**As always pleeease R&R as well as PM me or put in the review box if u have any questions, comments or concerns :)**

**~Yulie**


	3. Broken

**Broken, my little flower is broken. I broke her.**

**What is wrong with me? Has my heart truely frozen over like my homeland?**

**Do I have a heart?**

**But it wasn't me who broke her, she had been before...**

**I can't see that face again, such pain...**

**I loved it...**

After two days of recovery, I was to continue my usual duties. Something was wrong though, Ivan told me not to report to him for the time being and instead report to Natalia. Her "office" was in the east wing of the mansion, a large cherrywood door with a glass knob. Parts of the knob were broken off and cut into my hand the first few times I opened it. Natalia is one phycho bitch, growling at me and snapping orders like I had killed her best friend. Her eyes practically glowed with hatred when she saw me, but she never looked me in the eye. Now that I think of it, she didn't when she came to get me either.

Ha! She was afraid!

It was an entire week and a half and I had only come across Ivan twice. I was still to sleep in his room, and a couple of times I had woken up to find him sitting in the windowsill, his expression solemn. In most situations, I would name this a blessing, but in this case it kept me on edge. I was supposed to be his personal maid, besides, he scared the fuck outta me. I've never had a problem with reading someone but there was something about _him..._

Finally I got my (wish). Everything went back to semi-normal, waking to him at his desk and writing and I was not longer to report to Natalia. Things seemed fine on the surface, but underneath there was a sort of frustrating tension still hanging around him like a dense fog. I could tell by the way he would pause as he wrote, peeking at me ever so slightly from behind his hair that he wanted to say something, do something.

"Come here my flower" he spoke, making me jump slightly. I did as I was told, making sure this time to step around past the edge of his desk. He laid down his pen a little to gently and turned to face me. He propped his elbows on his knees, threading his fingers together like a silent prayer.

"When I was a boy, my mother was killed in a violent shooting at her work, my father was devistated. He committed suicide a year later on my nineteenth birthday." He paused, furrowing his brow, "I was alone on the streets desperatly searching for a home, so I joined the millitary. I slowly worked my way up into a commander and even farther to where I am now." I was dumbstruck, what was he telling me this for?

"You know, I was always told I was good at reading people to flower, I tell you this as a sort of apoligy. I forced you into admitting something painful, I felt it was only fair." He looked up, his blazing violet eyes striking deep within my soul, "even the broken can stand against strong winds."

I smiled despite the dread building up in my stomach. I did something I thought I would never do to anyone ever again:

I fell to my knees and grabbed his hands in mine, pressing his knuckles to my forehead.

"Theres more to your story Ivan, that I know to be a fact. You may not want to tell me but I will be here to listen" I whispered loud enough so he could hear, " theres more tom my own story, mabe we could trade." He looked at me, his eyes wide in surprise but eventually his face softened and I though I could see the corners of his mouth twitch nearly to a smile. A real smile.

Little did I know what I had done...

Little did I know this man would come to steal my heart...

**Ok so...**

**i really don't have anything to say XD**

please excuse my bad grammer/spelling because I'm actually Russian so its hard for me to spell certain things still but I'm learning. Also, my keyboard is being an asshole and spazzing out on me but I should be getting a new one soon :)

Also, I was told I got fem!Prussia's name wrong? I looked on like 4 diffrent sites and I'm confused so please excuse me if it's not right but I'm gonna stick with Maria for the sake of not being confused XD

Please R&R!

~Yulie


	4. Every Rose

**My flower, my sweet flower.**

**Mine alone, not for any other.**

**But is she a sunflower? Mabe she's a rose?**

**Red rose, yes, thats it.**

**And it is as they say,**

**Every rose has it's thorns...**

I can't believe how much I've given. I have always put up a narcistic persona, pushing strength into every word, every movement but theres some thing about _him!_

Ivan. How could someone so difficult hold such a childish face and such beautiful eyes?

GOD! Now I sound like him! That's it, I need to be locked up for insanity! Who could love someone like _him_?

...

What am I saying? What's gotten into me? How could I say something so...cruel?

Maybe I'm turning into the very thing people feared him to be, the mask he wears so other's will bend to his will. Perhaps I've lost myself in this void of a world we call home.

Mabe that's why I can't understand him. He's too much like me, hiding behind these masks in hopes that those around him will accept them.

I find myself wandering without purpose through the halls. I was supposed to be doing something right? What was it again?

Tea. I was supposed to be heading to the searvants halls to make Ivan's tea. Where am I?

I look to the right and find a large hallway streatching down to a dead end. No, not a dead end. At the end is a set of large double doors with cast iron handles.

The wood feels smooth like oak but the stain is red, giving it a cherry wood look. The knobs are oddly shaped like hollow teardrops and have small peices of dark metal dangling from them in the shapes of upsidedown triangles. I pulled on the handle of one door, half expecting it to be locked, and it jerked open with an ecoing _thump_. A chill ran down my spine, the noise almost like a heartbeat as it wafted thorugh the large open space. Inside was what looked like a ballroom. A vast, open floor streatched out as far as I could see in a circle and the walls were lined with books. There was a balcony wraping around the top of the book cases and a set of swirly staircases on either side of the room. A huge, glittering chandeler hung high on the cieling with antique crystal teardrops dangling lightly from steel supports. I couldn't help but smile, streatching my arms out and spinning in the center of the room with my head tilted back. It was like a farytale.

I began to hum softly, closing my eyes and imagining how this place would have looked like with hundreds of people dancing together like in the old movies. I heard a set of footsteps coming towards me and straitened up quickly. Too quick. Before I could see who it was, I stumbled and fell hard on the floor.

"Ow" I whined and mentally slapped myself, how could I be so stupid and let my guard down? I'm not in some fantasy world!

"Are you alright? I didn't mean to scare you" a soft voice called next to me. He had coppery red hair that smoothed against his collar and curled up on one end. He smiled and extended his hand, helping me up off the ground.

"You didn't scare me, I just got dizzy and fell" I squeeked and this time I actually smacked myself. Palm to forhead.

The man laughed, a bubbly sort of giggle.

"My name's Feliciano, I used to be in controll of Italy along with my twin brother" he said, rocking back on his heels like a child and grinning.

"My name is Maria, it's nice to meet you."

A loud bang came from the balcony and Feliciano pushed me rather roughly against one of the book cases. I recoiled, ready to hit him, but he put a finger to his lips with a face so serious it gave me chills.

"Fratello! Get your ass up here now! The boss wants us!" A voice yelled from above angrilly.

"Ve~ I'll be right there!" Feli yelled back in his childlike voice and another bang sounded, leaving silence in it's wake.

"What was that all about?" I whispered sharply, pinching his ear.

"No ones supposed to be in here but me and brother, it's our job to keep the place clean. If someone else found you in here then you'd be in big trouble" he led me out of the room and back into the halls, "Ivan doesn't like people being in this part of the house, where are you supposed to be?"

"I was supposed to go to the servant's hall but I got lost" I fibbed, "I haven't been here very long and this house is huge."

He led me down twists and turns and somehow we ended up in the kitchen.

"Listen to me, bella" he said, putting a hand on my shoulder, "Ivan has told all the other's about you, and there are some people who want you gone."

His voice was barely over a whisper, "it's not your fault, but I think you should be careful. I've been here longer than anyone else, I don't really like confrontation" he smiled sadly, " and I've seen how things can go bad. Don't do anything that will upset him or the others, ok?"

I nodded dumbly and hugged him with a thank you.

After making Ivan's tea, I made my way back to his room. His eyes were stone cold when he asked me where I had been and he didn't like my "I got lost" excuse. I spent the rest of the day inside his room, sitting on the windowsill and listening to his pen scratching against paper. It started snowing mid-afternoon and Ivan told me to close the curtains. That's another thing that intriuged me about him, he hates snow but lives in Russia.

He could live anywhere he wanted, so why here?

With the curtains closed, only a faint glow from a single candle lit the room. The candle being stationed on Ivan's desk. I found myself staring at him, the glow highlighting his eyes with a yellow glare and the hollows of his eyes casting a dark shadow across his features. My gase drifted to his collar bone and back up to his lips, a smirk. Only then did I realise that he was watching me as I was watching him. I quickly looked away, heat rising to my face in embarassment.

He stood from his desk and swaggered over to me, hovering above me in a sort of dominating stance. I tilted my chin up defiantly. I would not falter under his gaze like the rest of his underlings. He merely chuckled and scooped me up like a bride and tossed me onto his bed. I squeeled and he crawled ontop of me, pinning me so I couldn't sit upright.

"Do I amuse you flower?" he chuckled and my face flushed again. What's wrong with me? Why am I acting like this?

He bent down so his cheek was pressed against my chest and closed his eyes.I was shocked, the action seems so...loving. I didn't know how to respond, I've never been treated in such a way. He shifted his weight so I wasn't being crushed and after a few minutes his breathing slowed. He was asleep. I guess working for so long without rest can take a toll on you.

I smoothed his hair with the tips of my fingers and he stirred slightly. His eyes were squeesed as if he was in pain and his body tensed. He was mumbling something I couldn't quite understand, probably in Russian. Then he did something that scared me even more than his angry looks.

He started crying. He was still asleep, still tense, and silent tears came from underneath his eyelids. There weren't many, but it still scared me none the less. What would he be crying about? What is he dreaming?

I smoothed his hair and rested my other hand in between his shoulder blades, hoping to soothe him. I couldn't help it, he always seems so strong. To see him break down, even unintentionally, brought out _me. _The real me. After some time I felt his body relax and he stoped mumbling. Only then did I allow myself to sleep.

_I told myself I would never allow someone to hold me..._

_Never would I fall in love..._

_But what if..._

_Maybe..._

_..._

**Alrighty so how is it?**

**I'm not sure if I like how this came together so please tell me if theirs any confusion or anything XD**

**Hopefully I will have the next chapter done soon but I've been sooooo busy it's not even funny -_-"**

**So yea please R&R my lovely people :3**

**~Yulie**


	5. No more masks

**My flower, can you not see me?**

**Why do you stay? Why do you not run from me like the others?**

**You are so warm, so delicate.**

**Yet so strong, unbendable by the damnations that surround you...**

**Mine.**

_Want you gone...gone...gone..._

Feliciano's words played over and over in my head as I completed my chores for the day. I found myself giving sideways glances to the servants around me and I noticed something I hadn't before.

They would stare at me when they thought I wasn't paying attention. The little "slips" they would make seemed to have purpose. Their hands would be steady, but a plate would smash at my feet as they passed. They would grip pots and swing around fast, nearly missing me by inches. Small things made my nerves tingle on edge and by the time I was done with my work, I was jumpy and my skin crawled with anxiety.

Maybe I'm imagining things. Maybe they are just mistakes and I'm just creeped out about what Feli said. For all I know, _he's_ the one who wants me gone and is just trying to wear me down. Even as I think this, something tells me that isn't true. Feli seems so honast, so _innocent_, and that's so hard to find now.

I walked slowly toward Ivan's room, skimming my hand along the wall. A few knicks in the wall caught my hand, sending jolts of stinging pain up my arm and after a while I noticed my palm was bleeding and I was smearing a little trail on the surface.

"Shit" I hissed and looked down at my hand. Sure enough there were two scratches on my palm and a hunk of skin was torn from the side of my hand, oozing blood.

_How the hell did I not feel that?_ I reached into my apron pocket and pulled out a small rag to dab the wound, leaning against the wall. _I wonder why the walls are in such bad shape, Ivan has enough to rebuild this place twice over so why doesn't he get the walls repaired? _Now that I think about it, theres a lot thats in need of repair. A few windows are cracked and some of the doors hang at odd angles from their hinges. Maybe I'll ask him about it.

Once the bleeding stopped, I licked the end of the rag to wipe the dried blood away and then, looking both ways down the hall to make sure I was alone, I quickly scrubbed the streaks from the wall and wrapped the rag back up in my pocket.

I finaly made my way to Ivan's room and stepped inside, slipping onto my usual seat on the windowsill. Despite the fact it was snowing, the curtains were drawn back to let in a stream of moonlight.

As I listened to Ivan writing, I let my mind wander to yesterday. I hadn't built up the courage to ask Ivan about his dream, but I was shocked to find him curled up around me the next morning. The shocking part was that he was no longer in day clothes and I woke up _ontop of him._ Meaning that he had gotten up sometime durring the night, gotten changed and flopped me over him. I felt embarassed and somewhat violated, but deep down I felt...warm. Not warm like I had a fever, and certainly not warm in _that_ way. I felt warm like a child would feel when they lay out on a blanket to watch a sky full of stars. That feeling you get that makes you sigh in content and makes you giddy.

What the_ hell_ is wrong with me?

It takes a lot of willpower not to blush or smile just thinking about it, less he wonder what I'm thinking. It also takes a lot for me not to look at my hand, hoping he wont see it and wonder what happened. More and more, I find myself trying to hide things like that from him so he wont ask any questions or look at me with those eyes.

He no longer keeps his distance from me. We sleep in the same bed, no exceptions, and he even moved his desk so he's only a few steps from the windowsill. When I woke up to shower one morning, I found the door was removed from the bathroom. He doesn't peek in on me, at least not as I know of, but I don't have anything to myself. I have more uniforms now as well. All of them have red somewhere, but they come in all sorts of colors and shapes. Theres one thats black and looks like a traditional french maid outfit, a blue one that reminds me of Natalia's, a navy blue one that is more like overalls than a dress, and one thats crimson colored silk. That one is more a nightgown than an actual uniform.

I can't understand why he's so obsessed with making me wear red. I know, my eyes are red and my skin is pale white, I've lived with it my whole life. It doesn't mean I always have to see that bastardly color...

The color of _blood._

No, never again. I will not think of that again, not here, not now.

"What's troubling you my flower?" Ivan's voice cut through me and made me jump. He was standing next to me, no, he's kneeling. His eyes pierced through me into my soul and he reached up, making me flinch despite myself. His thumb grazed my cheek and I saw I had been crying.

Why am I so de-attatched? First my hand and now I'm crying? It's almost like I'm not in controll anymore, this isn't my body...

"Tell me whats wrong" he said, but it didn't seem so much like a demand. I wiped my eyes furiously and he grabbed my wrist. Shit.

"What happened here?" His tone was icy and I put my free hand ontop of his where he grabbed me.

"I hurt my hand on the hallway walls on my way back here. " He let go, "what made you cry my flower?"

I bit the inside of my lip in agony, silently hoping he would take the hint and stop pushing. Thats one part of my life I don't ever want to come up. Ever.

I pressed my hands against his chest and pushed as hard as I could. I knew I couldn't make him fall, I just wanted some way to relieve the emotions welling up inside me. He grabbed my hands and pushed the in opposite directions so I fell onto his chest and he playfully flung me onto his bed like he had done the night before.

This time, he didn't pin me down. Instead, he crawled beside me and hovered over me so I could move if I wanted to.

"There is more to my story, flower, and I wish to share it with you. I believe it is your turn though" he said, a smirk ghosting over his features and I laughed. It felt good to laugh and I started to let go of myself. No more walls, no more masks. Just me and Ivan.

Just us.

"I used to have two brothers."

**Dun dun dun! Cliffeh!**

**Actually I just kinda fell off a cliff into the world of -drum roll- WRITERS BLOCK!**

***flips desk***

**so yea, please R&R and I shall try to come up with some inspiration to keep me going :3**

**Love to all my readers!**

**~Yulie **


	6. I miss you

**This story has an OC named Gunter whom is supposed to represent Berlin, Germany. He is the youngest sibbling and the rest will be explained :)**

**I hope this clears up any confusion from the previous chapter~**

**...**

_Two brothers. Ludwig and Gunter._

_I had always been close to Ludwig more than Gunter, but that is mostly because of the age diffrence. _

_After our parents died, Ludi and I ended up dropping out of school to take care of Gunter, and Ludwig ended up joining the millitary. I still remember the day that black car rolled into the front of the house, a man in uniform coming to tell us our brother had gone missing. _

_MIA, Missing In Action._

_It took six months before they found him, and he had been badly injured. He ended up in a rehab facility due to his injuries and I had to work three jobs just to make ends meet._

_Four years after brother came home, Ivan's army had defeated the remaining countries needed to have controll over the enitire world. Four and a half years after brother came home, Gunter had been shot and killed on his way to graduating from collage._

_Two years ago, Ludwig had been asked to join a revolt against the new king. He had refused, stating he didn't want to put me in danger. A week later I found him in our dining room dead. He had been tied down, beaten and stabbed repeatedly._

_He was the only family I had left. Now, I wear Gunter's ring and Ludwig's cross around my neck at all times, a reminder that they had lived and how they had helped me throughout the years._

I couldn't look at Ivan once I was done with my story. I didn't want to know what he was feeling. I smiled despite that sadness billowing inside me and I sighed. I can remember everything about my younger siblings. Ludwig's blond hair and crystal blue eyes. His hair always cut short so he didn't have to deal with it. Gunter's blond hair, almost as white as mine, reaching down to his shoulder blades. His bright blue eyes glowing as he ran home with his near perfect report cards in hand. He always got ones* on his grade cards, a perfect student.

"Do you miss them, flower?" Ivan asked, almost cautiously and I nodded.

"Of course I do, they were my family, my life" I breathed, " but Ludi always told me to let go of the things that hurt." I laughed, picturing him scolding me for crying.

"Now it's your turn" I smiled, turning to meet his gaze. His eyes were happy, even though there was a glimmer of sadness behind them. He shook his head, "not yet, tomorrow."

I opened my mouth to protest, but was cut short by his lips brushing against my own. My eyes widened in shock and I almost felt like I had imagined it. He lingered half an inch from my face a while longer before pulling away and stepping off the bed to change into his nightclothes. I waited untill he was far enough away before touching my lips.

He just kissed me? Why?

But the biggest question: why hadn't I pulled away?

Fuck.

My.

Life.

I fell asleep in my uniform, curled up next to him. I didn't even wait for him to fall asleep before me, I just closed my eyes and let myself drift into unconsiousness.

Hey Ludi...

I wish you were here...

You and Gunter...

Then you could scold me...

And tell me to follow my heart...

I miss you...

**Alrighty then!**

**I've been really busy lately so I figured I'd put this up before I get bombarded with work again :)**

***German students get grades by numbers instead of letters, 1 being the best and 5 being the worst.**

**Love for all my readers!**

**Please R&R**

**~Yulie**


	7. My sunflower

**Love?**

**What is this word that haunts me, hurts me so?**

**I thought I knew, but now I'm not sure.**

**Oh my little flower, how I wish you would run from me! Hit me, claw me, show me the hatred that I know you must have for what I have done. This kindness is killing me!**

**I love it, I hate it, I love it.**

**I **_**love**_** it.**

_Crack_. His hand against my cheek causes me to trip and slam against the wall. His eyes glow with rage and he bends over me.

"Bitch" another punch to the jaw, a kick to the stomach. The putrid odor of alcohol fills my nose and I cringe.

Daddys home.

I wake up with a scream, clutching my throat and clinging to my necklace charms hard enough to turn my knuckles white and bite into my skin. The large door across from the large bed slams open and Ivan's face comes into view. I want to scream again, scream until my throat swells and cracks. I close my eyes as tightly as I can and try to calm myself down.

He cradles my head in his hands, callouses rough against my skin.

"What is it? What's wrong flower?" He breathes, rubbing small circles under my eyes to make me open them again. Why is he acting like this? This isn't him...

Is it?

I take deep breaths and finally open my eyes. It's been years since I've had a nightmare like that. Not since...Not since my brothers died...

"Maria" His voice, although gentle, peirces me like a dagger and I'm stunned. He's never called me by my real name, "What is it?"

I pressed my palms to his collar bones and pushed hard. Clam down. Calm down.

"Hit me" I whispered harshly and his body tensed.

"HIT ME" I yelled, my voice cracking. I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry. I balled my hands into fists and pounded on his shoulder blades. I will not cry, not anymore.

He pushed me onto the matress roughly and pinned my arms and legs. I thrashed around a bit before giving up, tears bubbling over and falling onto the then did he let me go.

"what is it, little flower?" His hair casted a shadow over his eyes, pain reflecting in them like a kicked puppy. I wrapped my arms around myself and curled into a ball, letting him rub my back and try to soothe me.

The next morning, I woke to him laying beside me. He was sitting upright, a book in hand.

"Ivan?" My voice cracked and I sat up, my head pounding.

"Are you feeling better, my flower?" I ignored the "my" part and nodded.

"Sorry, I haven't had a dream like that in a long time" I bit my lip, "it scared me."

"What was it about?" I laughed and shook my head, "Oh no, it's your turn big guy. Rules are rules" I laughed.

"I don't have anything to tell" he smiled, pulling up his knees to set his chin ontop, as I had done so many times.

"I call bullshit." I laughed again and copied his movements, resting my back against the headboard. A knock sounded at the door and a blanket was thrown over top of my head.

"You might want to cover yourself flower" he smirked and I looked down, heat rising to my face in a rush. I was almost completely naked, save my undies and a small tanktop covering my breasts, and not very well I may add. I sqeeked like a captured mouse and pulled the blanket over me like a tent so only my eyes poke out.

The door creaked open and two servants stepped in. I squinted, pulling the blanket down to my neck so I could see better and smiled wide.

Feliciano stood a little hunched over in the doorway and next to him was a man with similar features. The other man stood taller and had a more mature aura to him. An older brother.

"Feli!" I smiled and suddenly regretted it, as far as Ivan knew, I had no idea about the ballroom. Dumb ass!

"Ciao Bella! I see you are well taken care of" he smiled in return. The corner of his mouth twitched slightly and I understood, hes afraid of Ivan.

"This is my big brother Lovino~. We made you lunch!" I blinked a few times before it dawned on me what he had said. How long had I been asleep?

I looked over to Ivan and he smiled a little to cruely for my taste. He does that every time the servants come in. He stood up and walked around the bed, reaching his hand out to me.

"Shall we flower?" He smiled mischieviously and the heat returned to my face. Surely he didn't expect me to get up and walk to the dining hall with him. Expecially not dressed like this! Why let me cover up in the first place then?

I gulped and reluctantly shook my hand out of the mass of blankets, grabbing his. He spun and pulled me at the same time, blocking the doorway and handing me a pair of soft cotton shorts. I smiled thankfully and quickly slipped them on before he changed his mind. As soon as they were on, he pulled me down the hallway along with him like a child when they want to show you something.

I giggled at the thought of him acting so childish. This may be one of the worst jobs I ever had, but I have a feeling I'm going to like it here.

Hopefully.

The two brothers made a lot of food. An array of pastas, breads, soups, and desserts were laid onto the table neatly. I ate a little of everything, letting Ivan eat first despite his protests. Everything was amazing.

"It's still your turn" I said, crossing my legs and biting into a bit of oozing chocolate cake. He chuckled, folding his napkin and standing. He grabbed my elbow and pulled me off my chair, making me drop my fork onto the carpet and spill the remainder of my plate with it.

"I'll get it" I said quickly, bending to retrieve the plate. He pulled me again and scooped me up.

"You will not have to clean any longer flower" he chuckled.

"Then- What about my job?" I gulped.

"You will have things to do, just not cleaning."

I narrowed my eyes accusingly and he shook his head playfully.

"Not those type of things." He set me down and took off down the hall with long legged strides, making it hard to catch up with him. I still didn't like the thought of being out in the open is such little clothing, so I tried my best to stay close enough so I could grip the back of his coat.

When we got back into the room, he allowed me to go onto a search for clothing, only to wind up empty handed. I pouted, tugging on the shorts and shirt to cover myself more and gave up.

"Give me your coat" I pouted and he raised a brow in question.

"You hid my clothes, the least you can do is give me your coat."

"I don't know what your talking about" he said and I almost believed him, had his mouth not twitched into a mocking smile. I huffed and an idea struck me.

"Please?" I whined, streatching my eyes in a sort of pleading way and shivering. Now I was trying not to smile. He looked at me, then away, then back to me and bit the inside of his lip before tossing it off his shoulders and at me. I spun triumphantly and slipped it on. It was at least seven sizes too big and the sleaves hung down about a foot from my hands, but it was warm and covered me. The fabric was surprisingly light and smelled of chamomile tea and...mint?

I looked over to see him staring at me, a mixture of emotions ghosting over his features and vanishing.

"What?" I demanded, putting my hands on my hips. I probably looked like a stubborn child in such big clothing. His laughter rang throughout the room and made my stomach do a flip. He was laughing...Actually laughing...

And before I realised it, I was laughing to.

**Perhaps running isn't the answer..**

**Maria...**

**I love to hear your laugh...**

**It makes me want to breathe again...**

**Maybe...**

**My heart hasn't frozen over...**

**It's just been waiting for the sun...**

**My sunflower...**


	8. read to me

**I love your smile my flower, it brings me to my knees.**

**I'm glad you have learned to smile around me, to laugh around me.**

**I've never felt so happy before...**

Living in this house, with these people was a nightmare in the begining. Now, I can almost call it home. Almost. Ivan is nothing like the rumors have told, at least not underneath. He has his moments of cruelty and rage, but beyond them he is sweet. Sweet in a sort of twisted way, but still sweet.

I found out a lot about him. He has a facination with exodic flowers and a soft spot for cats and woman. He has a cat, a fat one that behaves like his master. I didn't know about him until I woke up with him curled up under my chin. Needless to say, we've been friends ever since. I sit in the windowsil with him curled up in my lap while Ivan writes and I practice speaking Russian.

I've been learning a lot in my spare time now. I don't have to clean anymore, so I spend most of my time either in the library or Ivan's room. _Our _room. He hates it when I say "your room" or "ivan's room." He says it's because I live here to, but I'm not so sure thats the only reason. It's quite obvious that wants to be with me, but I'm not about to just jump into a man's arms.

"You know it's still your turn" I yawned, watching him stack his papers away. He smirked in return and stood, holding his hand out to me. I took it, straitening out my T-shirt over my shorts.

"Food first, my flower. You haven't eaten since you woke up." He chuckled and I pouted, "neither have you big guy."

When we first started eating together, we sat on opposite ends of the table, but now we sid side by side. A few times he's tried to have me sit on his lap, so I politely sat on top of the table and kicked him over. I'm surprised he didn't hit me then, but then again he hasn't hit me since he nearly choked me to death on his desk. Well, at least hit me hard enough to leave a mark.

I'm starting to think he's a Gemi. That's what brother called it at least. He would tell me stories about people who would snap without meaning to when something would happen. Triggers he called them. Maybe that's why Ivan looks so sad afterwards, he doesn't mean to do it but by the time he calms down it's too late.

"You seem distracted, flower" Ivan's voice snapped me back into reality and I blushed. I was staring into space again, or rather staring at him.

"Sorry, just lost in my own thoughts."

"About me?" heat rushed to my face making me dizzy and I shook my head so hard that my neck cracked. His laughter bounced off the walls and echoed around the room.

Damnit woman! Get it together!

"So what is it you want to know about me, flower?" he asked, spooning some soup into both our bowls. I took a bite of bread and swallowed, thinking.

"Well, I talked about my siblings, start there." He chuckled and spun his spoon between his fingers before speaking.

"I have two sisters. My older sister, Katyusha, took care of me and bela when we were kids after our parents died."

"Bela?"

"Natalia. She always loved the country Belarus growing up so we used to call her Bela. When I whent into the millitary, Kat worked two jobs to take care of her. One day I recieved a phone call from Bela, it was her nineteenth birthday I remember. Kat had gotten injured at work and would need surgery." He paused for a while, dipping bread into his soup and eating slowly. I rubbed his shoulder a few times before eating my own.

"I sent all the money they would allow me and paid for her surgery. Right now she's living with her husband. She's in a wheel chair."

"How did it happen?"

"She was working on a farm at the time and a barn collapsed. One of the main support beams nearly severed her spine." He tapped his spoon on the edge of my plate, "eat." I scrunched my face and tipped the bowl back to finish off my soup just as two servants came in to switch out courses.

"You sound like you've told this story a hundred times" I said, pushing the corn on my plate into a pile of mashed potatoes.

"Not a hundred, but close."

"That's not fair, tell me something else." He furrowed his brow and took a sip of water.

"I'm not sure what to tell-"

"It doesn't matter what it is" I cut my steak into mini peices and burried them in my potatoes as well, "it's your story, tell what you want to." A smile creeped across his features and he took a spoonful of my mixture and ate it.

"Hey! Don't you know it's fatal to steal a woman's food? Expecially a _German woman's potatoes?_" I scolded, cracking his knuckled with my fork playfully. He chuckled and dodged around me for another bite, "eat you own!"

"It's not as fun, besides if you want any more potatoes you can have mine."

I looked up at him with puppy eyes, "really?"

He nodded and scooted his plate to me, "I don't really care for them."

I glared at him, "So why take mine?"

"I already told you, it's more fun." he poked me with his fork and before I could register what he was doing, he bent towards me and planted a kiss on my throat. I could barely breathe, my face hot and my skin prickling.

"W-wha-" I swallowed, real smart Maria, real smart.

"What was t-that for?" I stumbled. His eyes flashed regret briefly, "I'm sorry"

"N-no, it's j-just- Nevermind." I scooped another bit of potatoes and shoved it into my mouth to keep myself from speaking. The servants changed out the food for desert, chocolate cake.

"Hey Ivan?" I asked, shielding my eyes with my hair.

"Yes?"

"C-could I wear y-your coat again? I'm kinda cold" I breathed, hoping he could hear me. I heard him shuffling and the thick fabric was draped over my shoulders. I hugged it around myself and smiled up at him thankfully before diving head first into a chocoholic's dream.

After dinner, Ivan led me up into the library and I curled up on one of the sofas inside his coat. I have to admit, he looks rather handsome...

Ok he's hot, there I said it!

He came over with a book and sat next to me. I yawned and leaned forward, resting my head in his lap and tucking my legs under me so I was under his coat like a blanket.

"Read to me." He chuckled low, brushing his fingers through my hair.

"As you wish, my flower."

_I wish this was real, that I could actually just fall in love like the fairy tales..._

_What should I do Ludi? Should I fall for him? How far will I go till I hit the bottom?_

_Ivan..._

_I can't believe I'm saying this..._

_But I wish you'd kiss me again..._

_At least then... I can feel..._

_Feel alive..._

**Aww so cute :3**

**Soon I'm gonna go in depth on how Ivan became ruler of the world and I'm thinking of having Maria visit either Estonia or Ukraine later but I'm not sure.**

**Love to all my readers, and thanks so much to those of you who have dropped a review or two, it means a lot to me :')**

**Please R&R, I love the feedback!**

**~Yulie**


	9. Don't know who your fucking with

Last night, Ivan cried in his sleep again.

I couldn't help but worry over him, but nothing seemed to calm him down this time. His whole body was tense and shaking, his breathing labored, but he didn't actually _cry._ Maybe he would have felt better if he did, I don't know. What I do know is that it scared the shit out of me.

He called my name in his sleep. Not "flower," no, he curled up into a ball and murmered my name over and over. I couldn't let this go on, so I started shaking him to try and wake him. When his eyes opened, they were distant and hollow like he was still dreaming. He looked up at me like that, a hollow and blank expression, for what seemed like hours before he finaly relaxed and returned to normal.

This morning, he didn't get dressed or go to his paperwork like normal. Instead, he sat in the windowsil with his cat curled against his chest and a hot cup of tea steaming beside him. It gave me goosebumps to see him like this, something was very, very wrong. Later in the afternoon I decided to find out.

Gently, I pulled the cat away from him and set the feline ontop of the bed to sleep before crawling into the windowsil and taking it's place. I pressed my back against Ivan's chest and after a few minutes passed by, he wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my hair.

"Ivan" I breathed, "what happened to you?" His grip tightened slightly and he sighed against me neck, sending a chill down my spine.

"When I was in the military" he began, propping his chin on my shoulder, "I was captured and became of POW. In order to interrogate me, they tortured me. When I tried to escape, the shot me and blew out one of my kneecaps. It-" He licked his lips, "it still haunts me. Not just the things they did to me, but the things I've done to others in that same position."

I pulled his arms from around me and turned so I was facing him, cradling his face in my hands. He reached up and took my hands in his, turning the palm up and tracing the lines and creases. We sat together there the rest of the day, talking back and forth about nothing. I knew somewhere deep inside me that Ivan didn't want to be left alone, and to be honast neither did I. I don't really rememeber when i had fallen asleep, only waking up curled into a ball next to him.

The innocence of his sleeping face made my heart flutter, the smooth skin around his cheekbones and the way his mouth stays slightly open, the edges twitching up into giggles every once in a while in a good dream. I wonder what I look like when I sleep, am I innocent looking or am I the kind of person who looks like a twisted inmate? The thought makes me giggle, damn! I woke him up!

His smile streatches and he reaches up to grab a chunk of my hair, combing it between his fingers.

"I have to leave for a while today, flower" he whispers against my hair, "I have to go into town on buisness."

"Aww" I whined, " what am I supposed to do while your gone?"

"Your choice, you have free reign over the house." My eyes widened at the thought and almost instantly I thought of the ballroom.

This is going to be fun.

Once Ivan was gone, I made my way down the twisting hallways until I found the double doors of the ballroom again. Inside, Feliciano and Lovino were hard at work. When I walked through the doorway, Lovino glared in my direction and Feli ran over to greet me. Lovino doesn't trust people around him and his brother, but who could blame him?

Feli grabbed my arms and we flung ourselves and each other around the room haphazardly in a silly dance while Lovino cursed up a storm at our childish behavior. While we were recovering from a giggle fit, the doors swung open and my heart sank.

Natalia.

The brothers quickly filed out of the room at her order and left us alone, a quick look from Feli confirming my fears.

_Theres some people who want you gone... _

"I see you've been rather close with my brother lately, Maria" her voice was practically dripping with malice, "I would advise for you to back off."

I held her gaze, "and who do you think you are to _advise_ me on anything? Besides, we are only friends" _if you could call it that_ I wanted to say.

"You better hope, for your safety, thats all it will ever be" she snapped, turning to leave. She laid her hand on the doornob, "and this conversation is between only you and me, if my brother finds out-" she gripped the nob for emphasis, "I'll stab you in your sleep. Are we clear?" I couldn't help it, I snapped.

"Stab me? In my sleep? **Stab** _me?_" I laughed deep from within me, me soul ached. I Charged at her, grabbing her by the hair and slamming her head into the door. Once, twice, three times the thud echoing around the room. Her nails dug into my arm and scratched at my face where she could reach, her leg coming back and colliding with my knee. I stumbled back, throwing her onto the ground in the process. She crawled ontop of me and hit me over and over, my jaw creaking under the blows and blood filling my mouth. I shifted my weight to knock her off of me and I sat ontop of her to pin her down.

Over and over my fists hit her untill her nose broke. Only the did I stop, getting up and walking to the door.

"You know Natalie-" I mumbled, reaching for the doornob, " people like you make me sick. You think you can say or do anything you please just because you expect those around you to falter at the look in your eye. You should learn to defend yourself, you have no idea who it is your fucking with. You don't know when someone might snap and kill you." I turned to face her groaning form as she was trying to lift herself up off the floor. I pulled the door open, pain rushing up my shoulder and made my way to the end of the hall.

"Holy shit! What happened?" Feli exclaimed, wiping his hands on his apron and coming over to help me.

"Don't worry about it, send for a doctor for Natalia." His eyes widened in surprise and he nodded in understanding before taking off down one of the many hallways.

"Ivan's going to murder me" I groaned in agony, "I fucking beat up his sister, he's going to kill me."

"You'd be surprised in what he understands" a voice said from a little ways away and I craned my neck to see who it was. There was a man in a uniform kneeling beside me with a rag and a bowl of warm water. He wet the rag and began dabbing away some of the blood from my face.

"I'm sorry, but who are you again?" I breathed, trying not to be rude, "I don't remember names very easily."

"That's quite alright, love. My name is Francis, we only met once. How is your right arm, can you move it?" I nodded and did so, pain prickling up my spine as I did.

"What did you mean by 'you'd be surprised'?"

" I mean what I say, I've known Ivan a long time and I've seen him take the side of another because his sister deserved it. She has a habit of getting on people's bad side."

"I'll say."

_Little did I know just how right Francis was. Turns out Nat has had quite a record of threatening people because of her attatchment to her brother. When Ivan got home, he visited her in her room and told her she had to remove herself and her belongings from the house before the next morning. "This is the last straw" he told her._

_That night, I slept in his arms under the effects of heavily dosed painkillers. _

_I love you, Ivan.._

**Alrighty so this was kinda a spur of the moment idea! How'd it turn out?**

**There will be more twists to come so be ready!**

**Love to all my readers! (RAWR)**

**Please R&R**

**~Yulie**


	10. Fever-s-

Blood, I dreamed of blood. Natalie lying face down in it, Gunter when he was being rushed to the hospital, Ludwig when I came home.

I woke with a start, carefully making my way out of the bed without waking Ivan. I took off down the hall in a sprint, my bare feet slapping against the wooden floor. After a while my chest began to burn and I ducked under a low doorway and up one, two, three flights of stairs to get to the only part of the house up high and isolated.

The northern tower. I ran until I was on the edge of the tower window, balancing on the ledge and clinging to the ledge so I wouldn't fall. I took a deep breath and screamed as loud as I could into the night.

I let go, all the pain and agony of loosing my family that I've kept bottled up. I never cried over them at their funeral, too afraid someone would think I was weak. I screamed until my throat contracted and the I fell backwards, letting myself fall to the floor in a crumpled heap. I did not cry, I couldn't feel. I was numb to my core and only the pain from my thrat, lungs and feet were real. I lay there, eyes open, just letting my mind go completely numb.

The cold air nipped at my skin, making them sting and burn. I couldnt feel my knees down, nor could I feel my hands. I turned onto my back, sreading myself out like the stars Gunter would draw when he was little. The door to the tower opened and Ivan stepped out.

Shit.

He looked over to me, but his face told me he already knew I would have gone here. Maybe he's done it before, it sure does help. I wonder if he's ever dreamed like I have, vivid pictures of people being shot or stabbed or something of that sort. He bent down and threw his coat over me, picking me up off of the floor. I smiled, cradling myself against his chest.

"I feel better now" I choked, my throat still sore.

"I'm glad, little one. Next time you should wear more clothing though, it's cold out here." He snickered and my face reddened. Then it hit me, I didn't change into my pajamas, that means I'm still in just the slip from my dress.

Dumbass.

"Ivan?" I whispered, buring my head closer to him, to his warmth.

"Hmm?"

"Stop walking." He stopped just before the last flight of stairs on the landing and looked down at me confused. I grabbed at a chunk of his hair and twisted it. It wasn't soft like I thought it might be, it felt more like thin peices of hay. I tilted myself upwards as much as I could without falling and pulled him the rest of the way down until our lips met. His grip around me tightened and I skimmed my lips against his cheek before pulling back a bit.

"Yep, I feel a lot better now." I whispered, slipping my head into the crook of his shoulder. It took him a few seconds to start walking again, and when he got back to the room he sat me down on the bed carefully like he were afraid I would shatter.

"Ivan" I whispered to him, " C'mere"

He chuckled and laid next to me curling his arms around me as I shivered to try and get warmer. The feeling was slowly creeping back into my legs and hands, his warm breath sending a diffrent kind of chill through my body.

I'm tired of hiding, I'm ready to be myself again.

Hey Gunter, remember when you said that I wasn't the kind of person to fall for a leader? That I was to dominating?

I love you little bruder.

I shifted my weight so I rolled ontop of Ivan, kissed him again and then jumped off. He lifted himself from the matress with a pout and I ducked into the bathroom, stripping down and turning on the shower. The water was so hot that my skin stung and turned bright red, but it felt nice. I spun around under the spray, feeling lighter than a feather, and hummed softly to myself as I washed my hair.

Tired of running away, tired of being a hard ass, tired of questioning every breath I take.

Fuck it.

I turned off the water and toweled off, pulling on a pair of underwear and a tank top from the drawer by the sink, the one with Ivan's clothes. Yep, he definatly smells like mint.

I walked out with a bounce in my step, a blush forming on my cheeks as I watched his eyes smooth over my body. He reached over and skimmed his fingertips against my hips almost cautiously. I took a step forward and he wrapped his arms around my hips, drumming his fingers against the small of my back.

I threw my weight, what little I had, so I flopped on the bed beside him, tossing him on his side in the process. I giggled and ran my fingers along his arm until I reached the sleave of his shirt, dipping my hand down and running my hands up under his shirt. I traced the dips in his skin where his scars stuck out and hummed to myself. He skimmed his hand above my belly button and laid his head against my breasts, humming along with me.

"Good night my little flower" he whispered just before I fell into unconciousness once more.

I woke up alone, Ivan had left for buisness in the city again and didn't want to wake me. By the time I got my lazy ass out of bed, it was lunch time so I dined on tomatoe soup and ham and cheese sandwiches with Feli. He was hesitant to join me at first, but I kept whining about being left alone so he reluctantly sat and ate with me. I also invited Francis to join us, but he just gave me a small smile and walked out of the room.

"So how did you end up here Feli?" I asked around a bite of food. He smiled sadly and looked down at the table, his hands laid in his lap.

"Durring the second war, m y home town was overrun by the Russian millitary. I was put into custody to be interrogated for information, but they found they had no need for me when Italy surrendered. Ivan personally asked his comanding officer to keep me and my brother alive, told him he wanted us for maids. After Ivan took over everything, he brought us to this house so we weren't in the middle of the fighting anymore." He took a breath, "he saved us both."

I processed this for a while while I finished off my sandwich. So he isn't the heartless bastard that most said he was durring the wars. I figured maybe the war had just changed him, but he's been this way all the time.

"What about you, if you don't mind my asking" he asked, his face flushed in embarssment. He must not be used to talking to people. I smiled at him reassuringly.

"I lost both my brothers a few years ago to resistance members so I moved out to the country. Most people thought I was magic because of my lack of pigmentation. A rumor spread that I could see into people's souls. I guess this intruiged Ivan, so he sent a soldier to my door with a message telling me I was requested to become a personal server for him."

"I'm sorry to hear that" he whispered, "about your brothers. I'm sure that must have been hard on you, I'd end up dead if it weren't for my brother."

I laughed and shook my head, "yea it hurt, but I've learned to move on. Ludwig and Gunter would have wanted me to."

"Ludwig?" Feli blurted out and quickly silenced himself.

"Yea, why? Did you know him?"

"No." He responded, a bit to quickly. I gave him a sideways glance but dropped the subject. My brother had gone to Italy on many occasions for work, could they have known each other?

"So do you have any other siblings besides Lovino?" I asked and he gave me a smile, thankful that I changed the subject no doubt.

"Francis is my older brother, he's four years older than Lovi." I almost choked on my food, Francis is their sibling? He doesn't look anything like them..

I heard a loud thud and looked over to see Feli had fallen out of his chair, passed out cold. I paniced and screamed, jumping out of my own chair and cradling his head in my lap. His skin was hot to the touch, so much that it hurt. He groaned and someone kneeled next to me with a bag of ice. Lovino.

He put the bag against Feli's forehead and folded up a towel to put under his head. Blood stained the front of my skirt and I gulped hard. His head must be bleeding. He was fine a second ago, so why did he just suddenly fall?

"Can you help me? We need to get him to our room so he can rest." Lovino asked and I managed a nodd before getting up and helping Lovino pick him up off the floor. Once he was cradled in his brothers arms, Lovino took off down the servants hallway with me hot on his tail. He shouted to one of the others to call for a doctor, and then it hit me.

_I'd end up dead if it weren't for my brother_ he had said. The flush on his face when he was talking, the way he would sway ever so slightly when he stared at the table.

He must have these spells happen a lot, no one seemed too distraught about it. Lovino flopped him down on one of the beds in his room as gently as he could and then started calling out things he needed me to fetch. Three diffrent medicines. He gave them to Feli one by one by force and then took off his shirt and carried him into their bathroom, turning on the shower on cold and sitting on the floor with him.

I was shocked, but not, at the way Lovino was acting. His eyes were closed, arms curled around Feli and rocking him back and forth under the cold spray of the shower. I could see the steam rolling off of Feli in large puffs and a lump formed in my throat.

I sat next to Lovi in silence until the doctor came. He thanked me softly and I left so they could be alone. I walked heel to toe down back to Ivan's room, trying to count how many steps so I could stay calm. Not only that, but I wanted to be able to come back to check up on Feli and Lovi.

When I made it back into the room, I sidestepped the bed and sat in Ivan's desk chair with my head against the wood top.I picked up his pen and opened one of the many drawers where he keeps blank paper. I pulled out a good sized stack and started to draw. At first, it was just a bunch of squiggly lines, but after a while I started conecting them into the shape of...oh god..

A sunflower.

I put that paper under the others and started working again, my hand hovering over the paper. I imagined Ivan as he wrote, the sharp movements of his cursive writing against the frail paper. Mine was smoother, softer. Just like our personalities.

You'd be surprised how much you can learn about someone when they write without even looking at the paper. Are their strokes harsh or smooth? Do they hover when they think or tap their chin? Is thier face close of far from the paper? Are they slouched or strait? Right or left? Which fingers do they hold their pen with?

Small things mean big things. Big things are small, you have to look for them.

Right Ludi?

My second picture looked more like the outline of an ink blot than an actual drawin, so I flipped to a new page and started again. I've never been verry good at drawing, but it's a way to pass the time and get my mind off of things. I think I'll go find another book to read later, one with adventure this time. Mysteries are starting to annoy me, I always know whats going to happen just by little things the author describes.

Sad is the life of a rose I assume.

Did I just refer to myself as a flower? I really need to keep my head together. My name is Maria, and I am **not** a _flower_.

Rather, I am Ivan's flower. I've gotten used to him lately, now that I've seen him out in the open, so to speak. I've found myself falling for him, and frankly I don't care. I _want_ to fall for him, I _want_ him to be mine. I want to feel love again, and I want him to be the one to do it.

I love him.

I love him.

I have a plan to close the gap between us.

And now he's home.

_My little flower, you shall be mine. I will wait, but I cannot for much longer._

_But do you love me as you seem? Am I just blinded by this need for you?_

_No, you __**will**__ be mine._

_Like it or not._

_I'm home._

**DUN DUN DUN *gasp***

**Ok so I've finaly found the time to update (woo me!)**

**So yea, I might put a lemon(ish) in the next chapter, or I might just kinda hint around I'm not sure. I guess it really depends on what my viewers think (That means you my pretties)**

**So yea, please R&R and tell me which I should do (I'm game either way)**

**Love yall!**

**~Yulie**


	11. Love is red

I never knew how beautiful red could be. Maybe thats why others are so attatched to my eyes, because the color is so beautiful and mystifying.

I never knew how painful love could become. How painful Ivan could be.

I had opened myself to him, I should have expected what would have happened as a result. He warned me, _warned me_ he couldn't hold back once it was started, but I ignored it.

It hurt, _he _hurt me. He loved me, but he couldn't help but to hurt me. Love and pain, are they really any diffrent?

He bent over me, stripping us both of all our clothing in what seemed like one fluid movement, or it could have just been my anticipation. He was hesitant, his hands hovering over me and his breathing ragged like he was trying to control something within himself. Finaly, his hands ghosted over my skin, cold as ice and sending sparks through my entire body. He smiled into my eyes and his own eyes changed so quickly that it sent a shiver down my spine.

Pain. His hands moved and below them my skin turned from white to red to blue. He pressed into me, tearing me roughly in a single movement. His teeth drag along my collar bone and that beatuiful color ghosts over the path. The pain became a numbness, and from that numbness came bliss that came along with screams.

It hurt,but I loved it.

It hurt, but I loved him.

Once my mind became mine once more, he came back to me, the real Ivan came back. He enveloped me in his arms and the pain subsided. He then showed me how love is supposed to feel, slow and steady but hot and rough all at the same time. My mind was numb, reducing me to the animalistic sounds that ecoed off the walls and surrounded us like the cold air blowing from the opened window.

"I love you" I whispered before arching my back and letting myself go.

"I love you to, Maria" his voice was hot against my ear. For once, I felt safer by those words. I felt as if they were truely meant for me to hear, for me to breathe in like the scent of mint and rain that always clung to him.

He wrapped me in his arms, over and over his love blanketed me in a feeling words cannot describe. More and more I inched closer to him, even though there was no more space between us. His breath became mine, his heart beating in my chest. HIs lips were dry and cracked, but felt warm and comforting all the same.

It was like a fairytale, only it was my own story. God I hope mine has a happy ending.

The sun peeking through the window shined directly at my eyes like an alarm to wake me the next morning. I moved to cover my eyes, to shift out from beneath the covers to close the blinds, but pain shot up my spine and I whimpered, sagging against the pillows. These pillows were moving. I turned my head to see it was not what I had thought, I was laying ontop of Ivan and the movemnt was the rise and fall of his breathing.

I could feel the bareness of my skin against his, and it brought a furious blush against my cheeks as I remembered the events of last night. The flush of his skin, the feeling of his hands roaming my body, the changes in his eyes.

I smiled and kissed the skin under his jaw before sitting up and wrapping myself in the topmost sheet, knowing well that no one would see me. I carefully made my way from the bed into the bathroom, every movement painful. I turned the shower on hot, not daring to look at myself in the mirror until I was clean. I sat inside th tub and let the water run over my sore muscles, gasping in surprise as the water ran a pinkish color and swirled towards the drain. My skin held bite marks, some scabbed over and some just surface prints. My thighs were bruised and dried blood was stuck to one side. It made me somewhat uneasy, but I pushed the thoughts away and let my mind wander to the good of last night.

I gently scrubbed myself clean and turned off the water, lifting myself out of the tub. It didn't hurt so bad anymore. I patted myself dry with a towel and threw on one of Ivan's T-shirts. It was a lot bigger than me and it took me three tries to get it to lay on my shoulders instead of just falling off.

My reflection scared me. I had a purple bruise at the base of my neck and a red splotch against my throat. I looked like I had been beaten with a plank of wood, but I was smiling. I pulled a brush through my hair and braided a large peice of my hair to the side of my face. I came out of the bathroom witha bounce to my step, feeling lighter than air.

Ivan was awake, lying on his back with his face turned to the window in a smile. I crawled onto the bed and curled up against his chest, tracing my fingers across the scars that stood out against his skin. he pulled me towards him and wrapped me into a kiss that warmed my soul and made my knees wobble.

After a long goodmorning kiss, he followed my lead in getting up and heading into the bathroom to shower. I watched him walk and only after he was in the bathroom did I take my eyes away. It seemed to real, to good to be true for him to find love for me.

He is the king, the ruler of this world. I am a nobody, some random woman who grew up isolated on the streets of the provinance of Germany, why would I have been the one he chose.

_Because I'm a nobody, _I thought, _he doesn't have to worry that I will be any less than myself._

But is that the truth? I don't want the answer. I don't want to know, I just want to be his.

I made my way over to the window and closed it, the cold air nipping at my skin and numbing my toes. There was a knock at the door and I walked over to my small dresser, quickly slipping a pair of shorts on and a tanktop as well as a pair of underwear before opening the door. Lovino stood in the doorway.

"Feliciano keeps whining that he wants to talk to you" he pouted. I bit my lip, I don't want to just leave while Ivan's in the shower, expecially after what happened. I gave him a nod and told him I would be heading that way in a few before closing the door back and groaning in frustration. I looked over in the direction of the bathroom and stepped inside, swinging myself onto the sink and humming to myself.

"You have a beautiful voice, flower" Ivan laughed from behind the shower curtain. I giggled in return, "I could say the same for you." The water cut off and the curtain drew back, revealing a very sexy man, and a wet one at that. I whistled, making him throw his head back in laughter and he grabbed a towel to dry off.

"If I would have known such a thing would bring out so much of you to me, I would have done it sooner" he smirked, making me flush. He swaggered over and bent down, grazing his teeth against my throat and then capturing the flesh between his lips, making me arch my back and moan his name. He drew back, his fingers touching the bruise on my collar gingerly. I grabbed his hand and kissed his knuckles with a reassuring smile. _I'm not mad or afraid Ivan, I feel loved._

His hands moved to my hair, catching it between his fingers and pressing the end to his lips before letting it go and getting dressed. Once he had a pair of pants on, I hopped up and wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. He carried me over to the baed and flopped me down on my back, giving me another heart melting kiss and then working his way over to his closet to retrieve a shirt.

"Can I go for a walk or am I grounded to this room for the rest of my life now" I giggled, crawling over to the edge of the bed so I could sit upright.

"I'm sure I could make that grounding worth while" he said sexily, running his fingers along my legs. He kissed my throat and then my lips, "go ahead" he whispered.

Now I don't want to.

I got up and kissed him lightly on the cheek before leaving the room and walking down to the dining hall. Once I was there, I counted my footsteps until I was at Feliciano and Lovino's bedroom door and knocked twice. When the door opened, I was smashed into a hug that made my back start throbbing.

"Maria~" Feli grinned from ear to ear and then started coughing.

"Are you alright?" I asked, leading him back to his bed.

"Ve~ I'm alright, I get these fits all the time, it's nothing to worry about."

"It sure seemed lke reason to worry yesterday" I pouted, flipping my hair back.

He flushed and picked at the hem of his PJ shirt, "No, the thing that worrys everyone is my fevers, my body temperature is already naturally higher than normal so when I get a fever it's really bad for me" he said, almost to quickly for me to comprehend. I giggled at his nervous speech and that seemed to make him feel a little better.

He thought for a second and then a smirk streatched across his face, not the kind of thing you would expect of Feliciano.

"So, a little bird told us there were some interesting noises coming from Ivan's hallway last night" he and Lovino said in unison, only then did I realise that they were both looking at me with the same expression. The same expression Ludwig and Gunter would give me when they would hear about me making a fool of myself at a bar.

I flushed and looked down at my knees, my tounge suddenly tied and my mouth sealed shut. They both started laughing and, after a while, I joined them. It felt good to laugh with people I could truely call my friends. I laughed so hard that I had to wipe tears from my eyes, and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Feliciano told me that he would have to stay in bed for the next three days according to the doctor, so I promised him I would come visit so he wouldn't stay too bored. I met Ivan at the dining room at lunch time and ate next to him as usual. I tried not to shift to much in my seat so he wouldn't see how uncomfortable I was. It hurt to sit certain ways, and it hurt to walk certain ways, but I guess that could be explained pretty simply if you think about it.

I know enough about the human body to know that this is all normal, and that it wont be this way every time. I just hope he would understand if I asked him not to tonight. I don't think I would be able to move at all if we did.

I told him about my experience with Feliciano yesterday and about visiting him this morning. He furrowed his brow and told me he would call the doctor who took care of me to see what he can do. Apparently, the doctor assigned to the servants is not the best by far.

When I asked him about the story Feli had told me about him saving Feli and his brother durring the war, he simply shrugged and gave me no other answer. Apparently, he doesn't like people thinking he has a spoft spot.

_Probably because it would be fatal_. I shiver at the thought and push the thought aside. I sure as hell don't want to think of those kinds of things now, or ever for that matter. When I was finished eating, I sat patiently and and plucked one of the flowers from the centerpiece, twisting it between my fingers. I thought maybe the flowers were fake, but they were indeed real. I put the tulip back in the vase and Ivan reached over, threadding a red rose through my hair beside my ear.

I smiled and fingered the petals on the flower, smelling the thick fragrence that came from it.

I grabbed his hand, threading my fingers in his.

"I love you"

_**I love you, my little flower. You have no idea how much you mean to me. Even when I...**_

_**Even when I hurt you, you stayed for me. You stayed beside me.**_

_**My flower, my beautiful rose, my life.**_

_**Вы находитесь для меня всем**__**.**_

_**(You are everything to me.)**_

**Awwwww so cute :3**

I finaly got this done -sigh-

I was hoping to do more withit, but I decided to make this like a half lemon XD

So how did I do? I'm hoping to make the next few chapters more focused on Maria and Russia together, and I've already figured out how I want to plan everything till the end so hopefully the next few updates will be up soon!

So enough of my rambling -derp-

Please R&R my little flowers! I love you all!

~Yulie


	12. Traitors?

Two weeks. It's been two weeks since Ivan's touched me that first night.

He gave me two days to recover after I (hesitantly) told him my-er- situation. He never touches me unless I let him, and always lets me rest a day or two if I need to. I can't help it, I crave him, but it hurts. Not complaining, but I don't know if my body can hold out for more than once or twice a week.

I love it.

Ivan kept his promise, sending for his personal doctor to check up on Feliciano. I was forbidden to be in the same hall durring the doctors visit, let alone be by Feli's side when he was being looked at. I mostly wanted to meet the doctor, to thank him for taking care of me a while back. I kept to Ivan's side as I was told, and soon the doctor was gone. He told Feli that his recent fevers were probably due to lack of sleep and working too hard so he was told to take it easy and get some rest.

"It's your turn if I remember" Ivan smirked at dinner, poking his fork around at my mashed potatoes while he was chewing. I bit the inside of my lip in thought and stabbed at his fork.

"I got nothing" I sighed, popping a lump of potatoes into my mouth. He chuckled and stabbed a green bean from my plate and ate it, scooping the mashed potatoes from his plate onto mine like he usually did.

"Then start with a random thought and work your way around" he said, finishing off my green beans. I swayed side to side trying to come up with something when an idea came to mind.

"Chocolate!" I announced, slaming my fist into the palm of my hand. Ivan gave me a look of utter confusion and I flushed, trying to remember why I had said it in the first place.

"When I was growing up, I'd never had any chocolate because it was too expensive durring the war times. When I was fifteen, Ludi came home from work and handed me a chocolate bar, it was for my birthday" I looked down at my plate, "I remember splitting it with him and Gunter, it was so sweet that it hurt my teeth but I ate it anyways. That was two days before the millitary knocked on our door and made him leave." My voice trailed off and I scrunched my hands together, trying to remember the feel of Ludi's hands when he left and when he returned. A flash of memeory, a chair stained in blood, came across my vision and quickly fled as Ivan put a hand ontop of my own.

I smiled up at him and he returned it, bending closer to kiss me softly. He pushed my plate away from me and stood, pulling me with him. I giggled and laced our fingers together, walking on the tips of my toes so my shoulders were almost level with his. He opened the door to his study and lifted his arm so I spun in through the door and flopped on the sofa in front of his desk. He chuckled and sat at his desk to start writing. He had moved it out of our room a week ago because I told him I felt caged in that room all the time, but I wanted to stay beside him.

After what seemed like hours, I stood up and spun around the room giggling and singing softly to myself out of boredom. It feels good to be free. I bounced on the balls of my feet, running my hand along the guns kept clipped to the wall parallel to Ivan's desk. I recognised most of them from when Ludi taught me to fire them. Next to them were an array of knives and swords pinned to the wall as well. He has quite a collection in multiple rooms of the house for what I've seen.

I wonder if he'd let me fire one...

I backed up onto the back of the couch and bent over it until my head hit the cushions without my feel leaving the ground.

"Can I go take a walk?"

"You do not have to ask me, you are free to do as you please" he smirked and I realised my shirt had ridden up to my bra line. I returned his sly smile and flipped the rest of the way over, my skirt flapping and bunching up in the process. I leaned over his desk, pecked him on the lips and did a cartwheel to the door (nearly hitting my head on said door in the process). He laughed, "My, my. Flexible are we? I'll have to remember that" he said, making me blush. I mentally slapped myself for acting so childish and then laughed at calling myself childish for blushing when I've been giggling and doing cartwheels.

I left Ivan looking confused and headed down towards Feli's room when I bumped into a man in a white coat.

"Oh, sorry Madam, I didn't see you there" he said. I opened my mouth to say something and paused.

"Are you the doctor Ivan was talking about by any chance? The one who took care of me?" I blurted out before I could stop myself. He laughed and nodded, wiping his glasses with a cloth from his breast pocket.

"Did you need anything else miss? Are you feeling well?" he asked politely.

"I-uh. I wanted to know your name is all" I flushed in embarasment.

"Eduard von Bock is my full name, but most call me Eduard or Estonia because I am the last of my people." He put his glasses back on, the smile never leaving his face. He excused himself, saying he had to fetch a bag of ice for Feli, leaving me in the hallway dumbstruck. He was the man who had put that letter on the doorway, the one warning me about Ivan. _He's _Ivan's personal doctor? I leaned against the wall and slid down, propping my knees against my chest and pressing my forehead to my knees at the sudden headache that threatened to pop my eyeballs out of their socket.

"Are you alright?" my head shot up to see one of the servants...Francis standing over me. I nodded dumbly and he tilted his head in question.

"I'm alright, just a headache" I mumbled, pressing my head to my knees again. He crouched down to my level and lifted my head to look at him.

"Would you like me to fetch you some asprin?" he asked, his forehead creased in worry. I shook my head and fought a fit of giggles, "No, can you help me up?"

He chuckled, an odd nasaly sound, and helped me stand. I muttered a word of thanks and turned on my heel towards my room, completely forgetting about visiting Feli.

I climbed into bed and curled up into a ball under the covers, the velvety sheets cool against my skin. My headache faded, but an uneasy feeling settled in my stomach. I don't know Eduard and he seems to do his job well, but what's stopping him from poisoning Ivan or something? He goes against him by putting those notes up, he even stated that he wasn't afraid of Ivan, so can he really be trustworthy? At the same time, I don't want to rat him out when he has been doing his job, and helping the people who don't _know_.

I used to be one of those people, working odd jobs on the street to scrape by and throwing stones at people who spoke fondly of the new king. I knew no better than they did until I actually met Ivan. Can I really be so cruel to someone who's trying to protect both sides?

I don't know when I fell asleep, only being woken up by Ivan's gentle shake on my shoulder and his worried scrunched up face. I told him about going to visit Feli, leaving out the part about running into Eduard, and turning around due to a headache. He sat on the bed with me between his legs, leaning back against his chest with his arms around me. I almost wanted to cry, but I couldn't quite pinpoint why. Instead, I listened to Ivan talk about his family. His crazy sister, whom I knew more than I would like, Nat and his older sister. He'd told me about them once or twice before, but this time he extended his story to his mother and father.

His Father was a Millitary commander for three years and his mother was a nurse. They met, fell in love and had three kids. His father had taught him how to fight and shoot sniper rifles when he was only six years old and by the time he was a teenager he was fully enrolled into the millitary. His mother had been shot by a soldier who went mad and his father died on the battlefield trying to pull out four other soldiers who were badly injured. Ivan had _literally_ grown up on the battlefield and until he was in his twenties, the battlefield was all he knew.

When Ivan was done, he crawled under the covers with me and wrapped me in his coat before falling asleep.

I dreamed that I was sitting in my livingroom back in Germany with Ludwig and Gunter. Ludi was dealing out a hand of cards and Gunter was droning on about how much he loved Edgar Allen Poe. We were all laughing and having fun, and I told them about Ivan being diffrent than we thought. Ludi stayed silent and Gunter folded his arm in a pout, telling me I was crazy. I bent to pick up a card and when I straitened up only Ludi was in the room. He smiled at me like he used to and told me he was sorry for leaving us like he did. I told him he didn't have to be sorry, that it wasn't his fault. He shook his head at me, pointed a gun to my head, mouthed something, and pulled the trigger.

I woke up gasping for breath, my ears ringing and my head throbbing. My hand flew up to my forehead and a quick jerk to the side showed Ivan, worry etched into his features. His mouth was moving, but I couldn't quite hear him.

The ringing subsided.

"Maria, are you alright? It was just a dream." He breathed.

"He shot me" I breathed, "he fucking shot me."

"Who?Who shot you flower? No one's here." He wrapped his arms around me, cupping my face with one hand.

"He shot me" I gasped again, digging my nails into Ivan's shirt so hard that the fabric started to tear, "why would he do that? Why would Ludi shoot me?" His eyes widened and he wrapped me in a hug, pressing me into his chest and whispering into my ear something in Russian. I pushed lightly on his chest and he looked down at me.

"I'm ok now, just a fucked up dream" I whispered, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissed the skin just below his chin.

"Sounded like it, are you sure your alright?"

"Yea, I'll be fine. C'mere" I breathed, pushing myself back so we both were laying down and wrapping myself around him like he was a body pillow. He chuckled and kissed my hair, telling me to go to sleep.

You know, the sun's nice and all but it's really annoying when it decideds it has to shine _directly on your eyes in the morning_. I groaned and rolled over Ivan, flopping down on the floor on the other side and pulling myself up by the windowsill to close the blinds.

"The hell was that?" Ivan laughed, half asleep still. I flashed a cheezy I'm-not-quite-awake smile and groggily made my way to the bathroom to shower and brush my teeth. Brushing my hair took _forever_, it was knotted in the back like a mini afro. I stared at the scissors in the drawer real hard and sighed, walking out. The curtains were completely open now, flooding the room in light and I hissed dramatically like a cat, shielding my eyes.

Frustrated and hungry, I left the room and made my way down the halls till I made it to the kitchen. Two of the servants tried to push me out of the kitchen, telling me that they'd handle making me coffee and breakfast, but I denyed them. I was a servant once to, I know they have enough to do already without having to serve me hand and foot so early in the morning. I let one of them make the coffee, but I cooked for myself and cleaned the dishes afterwards.

I took my time stepping down the hall towards Feli and Lovino's room, hoping that I wouldn't run into Eduard again if he was here. Feli was alseep so Lovino and I sat on his bed playing 20 questions. I was surprised how many people Lovino could guess just by a few clues. He cheated though, he mostly used people from his home town. How the hell am I supposed to know he was talking about some old lady who lived down the block from him? I lived in Germany!

I met up with Ivan like usual, picking food from both our plates while we talked. He told me we'd be having company next week but refused to budge and tell me who. I tried my best to stay in a positive mood, but my dream kept replaying in my head over and over.

_Traitor...Traitor...Traitor..._

"Are you alright flower? you seem distracted" Ivan whispered next to my ear. I squeeked in surprise, I didn't know he was so close. I flushed, looking down at the tabletop.

"Yep, distracted. Question is, what has my little flower so upset?" Ivan asked seemingly to the air around us. I let myself fall forward so my head collided with the tabletop and groaned in frustration. I've had pretty shitty dreams in the past, but never one of one of my brothers shooting me. Am I a traitor?

I heard the shuffle of fabric and a firmillar scent wafted through my nose as cloth was draped aroung my shoulders. Ivan's coat. I slid my arms as far as I could through the sleaves and buttoned the front a bit so it would stay put and burried my face in the fabric, resting my head on the tabletop still.

"I'm not a traitor, am I?"

Ivan scooped me out of my chair and swung me over his shoulder, taking off down the hallway. I hollered at him to put me down and thrashed around to no avail, he didn't even respond. It wasn't until he roughly threw me onto our bed that he looked at me. His eyes were stone cold and angry.

"Why would you call yourself a traitor?" he asked, his voice just as icy as his stare.

I gulped, "I-I didn't mean-"

"I don't like repeating myself"

"Because I fell in love with you!" I nearly yelled, nearly cried," I fell in love with you even though the resistance killed my brothers, even though I grew up spitting on people who said your name. My people were wiped out by soldiers on your side of the battlefield, and I still fell for you. I still- God I'm so stupid." I couldn't stop to think about what I was thinking, what I was saying. Ivan's stare hid behind his bangs and before I could blink he had hit me.

The blow to my jaw threw me to the side against the pillows and I spat out blood. I glanced to the side, Ivan was no longer there. Instead, the icy sadist stood at the edge of the bed, his other self that I knew all too well.

He leaned on his knee on the bed, grabbing my arms hard enough to hear the creaking of my bones and pinned them above my head.

"Stop it!" I yelled, thrashing to the side so my knee came into contact with his thigh, inches from his groin. He let go and wrapped his hands around my throat, cutting of my air completely. Spots blurred my vision and I clawed at his hands, drawing blood. Out of the corner of my eye I could see the door to the room open and the world went black.

**OK so this is something I've been trying to work on throughout the story. Basically, Ivan has multiple personalities (two to be exact.)**

**When he's normal, he's Ivan. When he's cruel, he's kinda transported back into his life as a soldier, never trusting and always torturing at the slightest bit of doubt that someone is going against him. **

**And that's all I'm gonna say for now because it will be better explained in the next chappy ;)**

**So really guys, how is it so far? I'm kinda having an OCD moment with my stories lately and I need some feedback on the quality of my work. Any and all coments are apreciated!**

**Please R&R!**

**~Yulie**


	13. secrets and ties

Shivering, I sit on the tiled flooring of a bathroom I don't recognise. I'm completely naked, spare a overly large robe and a few bandages. My vision is blurry, but I can make out a figure in front of me, my reflection. Even under the white cloth, I can see the blotted blue and purple on my neck above and below the fabric. My wrists are bandaged as well, dark purple snaking beneath the fabric that makes moving my hands painful. My jaw is swollen slightly and when I open my mouth I can see gashed in my cheek from my teeth and one of my teeth is nearly completely shattered.

I groan and try desperatly to pull myself up by the sink, my arms hurt and my wrists throbb with the effort. Amazingly, I manage to hoist myself up and I spit blood into the sink. Memories flash through me and my stomach lurches. I fall to my knees once again, spewing out what was in my stomach in the direction of the toliet. I laugh without humor and curl up in a ball on my side when the door opens.

"Yo! Franny, Lovi, she's awake" a voice calls behind me and a man kneels in front of me. I don't move, don't even blink. Maybe if I don't move he won't notice I'm here.

"Hey chika, come on let's help you up." Reluctantly I let him scoop me up off the floor and carry me into a room much like Lovi and Feli's. He sets me down on one of the beds and steps to the side so I can see Francis and the italian brothers standing beside him. I wanted to cry.

"Wh-what happened" I manage to choke out. My throat is sore and feels like it's swollen shut. The man puts a finger to my lips.

"Nah, ah ah. No speaking, I'm surprised you can breathe right now. My name is Antonio. Franny here saw Ivan take you away all angry like and was worried he'd try to hurt you so he gathered me and these two-" he pointed to Lovi and Feli, "and we pulled Ivan off you before he could do any _real_ damage. We brought you back here to my crib because its the one farthest from Ivan's." He spoke fast, but not fast enough to where I couldn't quite understand him like when Feli talks fast.

"Clothes?" I choked and caughed. Feli made a little high-pitched sound and flushed.

"I-I'm sorry. I just, you looked so uncomfortable that I figured you'd feel better without them and it was easier to get to your wounds. I can help you get re-dressed if you'd like. You can borrow some of my clothes!" It took me a minute for my brain to register everything he said and I burried my red face under the robe before nodding. The others left the room and Feli helped me pull on a T-shirt and a pair of his pajama bottoms. I was thankful to find that he'd left my underwear and bra on, so at least he hasn't seen me _completely naked_.

Once I was decent, I flopped onto the bed and pulled the covers to my nose. It seems silly, I know, but I can't stand to be so exposed around so many men.

"Try to get some more sleep little one, we'll talk more when your throat heals a bit more" Francis whispered to me just before I slipped into sleep.

Somewhere between dream and reality, I could hear the guys talking.

"...she's Ludwig's sister..."

"Impossible, they all died...no daughters..."

"...She told me herself..."

..Did yoy thell her about what you..."

"..No, I can't bring myself to..."

"Feli, don't you think...know about..."

"Oh stop naggin Franny...been through enough..."

I strained to hear, but I only made out peices through their harshed whispering. They all knew Ludi? How? What wasn't Feli telling me? What did they mean by it being impossible for me to be Ludwig's sister?

"Shhhh, you'll wake her up!"

"..the poor thing, she was crying in her sleep earlier.."

The dark of sleep swallowed me again..

In my dream, I was back in the long hallway leading to my old dinning room. I hesitated, knowing all too well what lay on the other side of that door. I've had this dream so many times before.

I took careful steps and gripped the doorhandle. With a deep breath, I swung the door open and screamed.

Sitting in the diningroom chair as always was Ludwig as I had found him that day, only he wasn't alone...

I woke up with a harsh scream that made my throat more scratchy and burn. Francis caught me by the wrists gently and I realised that I had punched him in my sleep. My eyes fell on Feliciano and a confused rage bubbled in my stomach.

"Why, why the hell were you there? Why were you there with Ludi when he-" I stopped. It was only a dream Maria, your being irrational-

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner" Feli's voice was soft and barely over a whisper, "I-I came to warn him about the resistance memebers but it wa too late. I met him in Italy when I was recruited in the Russian Army and I helped him get home. I'm sorry.."

I looked down at the sheets, bent over the side of the bed and hurled what little was still in my stomach. Francis was quick enough to pull my hair out of the spray in time, and rubbed my back soothingly while Lovino and Antonio fetched something to clean it up.

I wiped my mouth with a rag, "it's ok Feli, I'm sorry for blowing up like that." I said solemnly. Feli crawled on the bed and sat behind me with a brush, pulling my hair into a ponytail. He mumbled something I couldn't quite comprehend, but I decided to just drop the subject. I don't think I have anything left in my stomach and I don't want to start dry heaving anytime soon.

Instead, I asked Francis where Ivan's coat was and he, hesitantly, fetched it from a pile ontop of the wardrobe in the corner. I draped it around myself and got up, streaching out my legs.

"Are you hungry chika? I can fetch you something if you'd like. It'd probably settle your stomach a bit." Antonio asked, flopping down on the bed across the room.

"I gotta go to work" Lovino announced before I could answer.

"Aaaww come on, stay a bit more" Antonio whined, but Lovino was already out the door.

"I swear, Feli, your sister is gonna drop dead one day" he huffed and i litterally think my eye twitched.

"Hey Antonio, I think I'll take you up on that offer before, I need something to eat" I tried not to whimper laying back on the bed and tucking my legs underneath Ivan's coat. I wonder how he's doing without it, he almost never takes it off. I wonder how he's doin at all, last time he snapped on me he hid himself for weeks. Antonio and Francis left, leaving me alone with Feli.

"H-hey Maria?" He asked standing next to the bed nervously, "do you really love Ivan?"

I laughed, "Yea" I sighed dreamily, "Yea I really do."

"Even though he does all those things to you? He's really scary when he goes back to Soldier, aren't you scared? He nearly...nearly.." He looked at me with tears in his eyes and I frowned.

"I know, but I do still love him and I know that he isn't really like this. Please don't cry Feliciano, it doesn't suit you." He gave a weak smile and wiped the tears away.

"What did you call him?" I asked suddenly.

"Soldier. It was actually a sort of joke amongst the servants. Whenever Ivan was normal, he is Ivan. Whenever he'd go mad, we would whisper Soldier around the house to warn all the servants to hide and be cautious."

"Wow, thats smart" I patted the bed beside me, "at least sit down, your making me anxious."

He lay down beside me, curled up so there was a space between us.

"Have you ever thought about going back to Germany?" he asked, plucking at the fabric of the covers.

"I have nothing there anymore, the soldiers wiped out the rest of my people a week after I moved to England with my friend Arthur."

He frowned, but quickly changed back to his usual smile.

"Have you ever thought about going back to Italy?" I asked, picking at the fabric with him now.

"I do, Ivan lets me and Lovi go back at least twice a year. I usually stay behind though." He frowned again, but I let it slide. He had a look of utter depression etched into his face and my fingers itched to smooth his hair and tell him everything would be alright. Ever since Ludi died, I've had quite a habit of comforting people. I guess it's because it gave me a reason to cry without someone thinking I had a past worth hiding.

By the time Francis got back with a small tray of food, Feli and I had fallen asleep so he had to nudge us awake. If I were him, I'd have just pulled us off the bed, but he said he was afraid I'd bump something. I scolded him as I ate, telling him I'm a big girl and I can take what the world has to throw at me. This was not completely true, and even as I said it I felt the cold, hard truth creep up my spine.

I don't think I'd be able to take much more at this point.

"So how come it seems like you guys already know all about my family, but I have no idea who you are?" I asked around a bite of hot cheese. Francis and Feli exchanged looks and bit their lips.

"Your saying you didn't know Ludwig-" Francis started, "that he was a general?"

I flinched, "I knew he was in the army, thats all."

Feli looked like he was going to cry again, but I reached over with a napkin and wiped his face like an overprotective mother.

"Ludwig Beilshmidt was a highly respected general, Maria. He's the one who captured Ivan, the one who blew out his knee." Francis pushed himself against the wall with his knees to his chest like me, "According to his files though, he only ever told the officers that he had a brother. He told all the millitary that his mother died giving birth to a stillborn baby girl, that she hadn't lived."

I stared at him in disbeleif and tried to process the infromation. He had told his comanders that I never existed? Just how far was he willing to go to protect me? Why would he tell them about Gunter and not me? Not only that, but Gunter is _younger_ than me, so how could the dates match up?

I sipped on a hot cup of cammomille tea, no cream or suger. I couldn't help but replay in my mind Ivan's instructions about his tea. Camomille: two sugar one cream, Lavander: one sugar, no cream, Black tea: two teaspoons powdered ginger, one sugar.

"You seem to be taking this well?" Francis said, a little too cautiously.

"There's a lot about my older brother that I've found out through the grape vine. To be honast, I wouldn't be surprised if someone came out and told me he was a cross-dresser who liked to scream profanities from rooftops. The only thing I ever cared about was that he was my brother and that he was always there to do what needed to be done. I know he had regrets, I know he had secrets but no ones perfect." They both gave little sounds of agreement and I stared down at my teacup.

I had never told Ludi about a lot of things about me either. I never told him about what dad did to me, about how mom had only died in her sleep because I let her take all those pills. I never told him about walking home covered in blood while he was at PT because a shopkeeper had been shot in front of me. I never told him how I had gotten the money for our house when we were six months behind, or destroying a life after so he would never find out. Gunter barely knew me at all outside my smile, but even Ludi and I kept secrets from each other, no matter how much we tried to tell each other. We were always close, but sometimes that's not enough.

I looked at my shakey reflection in my tea. In here, you can't tell I have strange eyes or white hair. I this refelction, I almost look normal. That is, if you take away the bandages and the cracked tooth. I guess no one is really normal. Everyone has their own normal, and we all either fit or we don't. It's just like how my normal is dreaming about people dead and gone and waking up to remember them for who they were, tucking myself into my own existance to gather the emotions and movements of those around me so I can remember them when they leave.

I live to watch others die, and that's fine with me. I never wanted anyone to die, but remembering them seems to make it all better. I remember all the little details. Gunter is left handed, but can't solve a math equasion unless he's writing with his right. Ludwig would always walk on the balls of his feet, his ankles never touching the ground. Mother would always smile higher on the left side of her face with her right eye closed ever so slightly. Father would always tap his thumb twice on a doornob before he'd turn it.

Francis walks with a sway like he's blowing in the wind. Feliciano never opens his eyes when Lovino is talking. Ivan cant bend his wrist all the way to the left, so he moves his paper with his pinky when he writes. Lovino blushes whenever Feli calls him by his actual name. Eduard wipes his glasses off when he's nervous.

I'm torn from my thoughts violently as a hand lightly falls ointo my shoulder, making me jump and nearly scream. It was Antonio, he's the only one in the room.

"You alright Maria? You've been staring off into space for nearly an hour." He says my name in a weirdly accented way, most likely spanish. My neck hurts and I sigh.

"Sorry, I guess I just kinda dove into my thoughts and got lost" I try to laugh, but the sound turns out more like a groan. He laughs and prys the cold teacup from my hands and tells me to get some rest.

After three days, I venture back to my room. Ivan, I've been told, is away on buisness for the next couple of days. I almost call bullshit, that he left because of me, but I find a note on the bedspread.

_When I get home, I want to talk to you. I promise I wont hurt you, I'm so very sorry my love._

It scares me at first for him to call me something other than flower, but I push the anxiety away and tell myself that I'm just over stressed and being unreasonable. I draw myself a hot bath and sprinkle in some lavander scented bath salts that crinkle under me as I get in. I keep the bandage around my throat on, but take off the ones on my wrists. Eduard already visited me earlier and left a bottle of Aloe and some fresh bandages. The warm water relaxes me and it takes a lot of work not to fall asleep again.

I wash up quickly and stay in the sweet smelling water until it starts getting cold and then head out to towel myself off and get dressed. I settle for a large T-shirt and a pair of undies and take a deep breath before peeling the bandage from my neck. I wince at my reflection, the purple bruise is toned down a bit and the edges have turned a pale green. I quickly smear some of the Aloe on the bandage like Eduard told me and pinned it to my throat with the little teeth clips loose enough that I could practically stick my hand under it. I bandaged my wrists with the aloe as well and made my way out of the bathroom and away from my reflection.

I sat at Ivan's desk and opened his paper drawer, taking out a stack and a pen. I sat there the rest of the day, drawing random doodles that barely looked like anything at all and sipping on drinks that the servants would fetch me. They wouldn't let me have any alcohol, but let me have anything else I wanted. They even went so far as to bring me alcohol free wine (aka sparkling grape juice) that gave me heart burn and the hiccups. A few of them would even linger a bit and have little conversations with me, asking me what I was drawing or talking about the weather. None of them asked about the bruises or about Ivan and I, they seemed to dodge anything that had to do with him. If only they knew how he really was, then maybe they'd learn to accept him like I have and like Feli, Lovino, Antonio and Francis have. Maybe it would have made their lifes earier once apon a time.

I'm not sure what it's made mine.

**OK, I'm gonna stop here for now before I end up just going on and on and end up destroying this XD. I litterally edited and re-wrote this like eight times because it was written soooo boringly when I first did it. It was litterally he said she said the end XD**

**Hopefully, I did ok this time round!**

**So how is the story so far my lovelies? I love to hear all the feedback.**

**Please R&R (or as some people have been doing, just PM me XD)**

**~Yulie**


	14. Fighting back

How do you fix something that's broken beyond repair?

"You don't" Ludwig would tell me, "you teach it to live again, show it how do become something new. Teach it to be something that isn't broken."

But how? How can something that's broken be not broken again?

"Everything has a purpose. A mishapen rock can become a fancy walkway, a broken heart can become a motivation."

Is that why you work at that shop? Because you can't do any harder work?

"Yes and no. I was broken in many ways, sister. I work there to help us survive, and to protect the shopkeepers as well."

I remember the tales about shopkeepers being killed for the food and nesessities they sell. I sit and cry, begging him to keep to the shadows so he won't get killed.

"shhh, don't cry Maria. I don't plan on dying anytime soon."

I wipe the tears and tell him he better not.

"Even the broken can stand against the strong winds"

_Ludwig Beilshmidt, died being the guardian angel of his siblings as well as his country. R.I.P._

I wake up still sitting at Ivan's desk. My neck is sore and theres imprints of the tabletop on one side of my face and a bit of drool soked a few of my drawings. I crumble them up and toss them into the trash, running my hands across my face to shake the sleep from my head. One of the sevants knocks on the door as if on cue and asks me if I'd like anything. I settle for a cup of strong brew coffee that is thick like sludge and wakes me up just by the smell. Perfect.

I finish half the cup in a few swigs and then get up to take a shower. I tie my hair up in a ponytail and tuck the stray hairs behind my ears, stepping into a pair of fluffy black jeans and a red tanktop. I walk barefooted through the halls without a destination is mind. I just want to walk, walk untill my knees give out and my feet bleed. I did that a couple of times before, Arthur would find me in an alley covered in grime and unable to move any farther. I had walked from his house in London to an alley in Durham. My feet swelled and bled to the point where Arthur made me stay in a wheelchair for a month.

I'm not gonna do that now, obviously. I just want to walk.

I debate on going outside to pace along the outter trails, but there's at least a foot of snow out there and the last thing I need right now is to be sick or frostbitten. I scratch at my neck as I walk, watching the cracks and dents in the walls and doors as I pass. A couple of them almost look like cartoons and animals and I find myself making little noises and humming to myself.

I end up going in a huge circle over and over until I finally give up and head towards my room again, skimming the tips of my fingers along the wall cautiously. Before I can get ahold of the doorknob, it turns and Eduard walks out.

"Forgive me ma'am, I came to check on you but you weren't here." He says, rubbing his glasses on his shirt.

"That's alright, I'm here now."

"Quite" he straitens and I push past him into the room. He unclips my bandages and assess the cuts on the inside of my mouth as well as my broken tooth. The bruises have toned down quite a bit, but the one on my neck is still blackish blue and sensitive to touch so he tells me to continue wrapping it. He gives me a bottle of Tylenol for my headaches and a numbing ointment for my cheek if it's too painful to eat or anything. I'm pleasantly surprised on how professional he is, and how he still talks with an air about him like he's talking to a long time friend.

Once he was finished, he excused himself and left before I could blink and register that he had even moved. I sighed and sat on the windowsill, glanceing outside at the almost completely melted snow. It's been so gloomy and cold that I nearly forgot that it's not always winter. Spring wouldn't be for another couple of months though, so I guess I'll just have to try not to go stirr crazy.

Yea, like that's my main concern, staying in this house for the next two months.

I watched the clock slowly tick the seconds and minutes away until lunch where I forced my lazy ass to get up and sit at the table to eat. I didn't eat in the dinning room, instead I sat in Francis's room with Antonio and Feli while we all ate garlic bread and white pasta with chicken. Antonio droned on with little stories about the spanish speaking provinances and Francis would make funny gestures behind his back while he talked, making me nearly choke on my food twice from laughing. Feliciano mostly dazed in and out of conciousness, even though he was sitting up, and after a while I helped Antonio drag him to his room so he could sleep. Eduard has been giving him some really killer sedatives lately to keep him in bed, the poor guy works himself until he ends up lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He even groans about cleaning and cooking in his sleep, so I usually try to distract him by brushing his hair or rustling the blankets a bit around him and tucking him in.

Sad is the life of a rose I assume.

Yawning, I streached out on my bed, trying to spread myself like a star as far as I could. Even with my arms and legs spread to near dislocation, I still was at least a foot short on all ends from touching the edges of the matress. I bundled all the blankets into a heap in the center of the bed, spreading it into a makeshift fortress like when I was little. I used the pillows like sandbags and streached the fortress so it was just big enough to house me and culed up in the center.

"I'm not a traitor, Ludi. I don't know what I am."

I lay on my side, my legs pulled to my chin and my arms wrapped beneath them. Slowly trying to fold myself into a smaller and smaller person, turning back the clock to when I was able to fit under low coffe tables and in between the refridgerator and the cabnets.

"Do you hate me now?"

To when I could see my bones under my skin and my veins ran with what seemed to me like warm blue ink.

"I love him, I can't. It hurts. Don't make me choose."

To when my brothers and I would sit in front of the fireplace and drink hot tea that smelled of peppermint and herbs.

"I'm sorry big brother."

I felt a hand against my face, smoothing my hair against my face. The hand is warm and rough like gravel, but warms me to my core.

"Ludwig" I murmer, but I know it's not. I allow myself to sink farther, but eventually resurface to see someone I don't recognise standing over me. HIs hair seems to grow and then shorten again and his eyes shift colors. I rub blur from my eyes and see it's Ivan whose standing over me, his lips turned up in a smile and his eyes alight with love. I kick the walls of my fortress and hop up so fast that my head spins and my blood rushes to my toes, making them sting and burn. Before I can say anything, I wrap my arms around him and kiss him. He is stiff, but responds to me, supporting my weight and swallowing me whole.

"Welcome home" I breathe, his laughter warms my soul and his kiss breaks my heart. He lays me down with him and smoothes a blanket out to cover us, kicking off his shoes and sweeping his coat, a blue one this time, off his shoulders. He wraps me in his arms so I drown in him, in his warmth and his love.

In the morning, I nearly cry to find that I am alone in the room. It isn't untill I get up that I realise that Ivan is in the shower and I nearly laugh at my stupidity, but I can't.

My whole body is on fire, and not in a good way. It litterally fels like I'm being consumed by flames, my skin sensitive to the touch and red hot. I lay ontop of the sheets, tossing the blanket off me to releave to pressure it's putting against my skin. The water shuts off and I whimper, the burn is spreading and becoming a stinging pain.

"Ivan" I call out, barely above a normal tone, "Ivan" louder now.

He comes in wearing only boxers and his face scrunches in pain as he looks down at my skin. It's almost like a sunburn, but the skin is starting to bruise around the fabric of my clothes. Even the gentle pressure of my clothes hurts. Ivan puts a hand to my cheek and I scream in pain.

I sit bolt upright and look frantically around the room, pressing almost painfully at my arms. It was a dream, only a dream. I sigh with releif and flop back against the pillows, turning to the side so I'm pressed against Ivan's back. Normally, I would try to avoid being so close to his back in fear that he would roll over and squash me, but now I don't care. I've been through worse.

I wake later to a shiver that creeps it's way up my spine twice before I get up to close the open window. I wonder if Ivan gets up and opens it in the middle of the night, it's never open when I fall asleep.

"Good morning" his voice startles me and I spin around, red spreading to my cheeks. He smiles at me, but I can see the spark of sadness and anxiety behind his eyes when he looks below my face at the bandage around my neck ever so slightly. I tackle him, straddling his hips and pressing myself against his chest to kiss him and listen to his heartbeat.

"What did you want to talk about?" I ask, wanting to catch him in a good mood to make it easier.

"It doesn't matter now, flower. I have my answers." He smiles and kisses me again, flipping us over so I'm lying on my back below him. For a second, I stare at the barrel of a gun and I gasp, squeesing my eyes to blink away the tears. Even when Ivan's voice fills my thoughts and his hand is pressed to my face in worry, I can still feel the metal on my skin.

"Are you alright, flower? I won't hurt you" his eyes are pained now and I kiss the skin below them in turn.

"I know, Ivan. My mind is running away again." I laugh, though it seems foreign and stressed even to my own ears.

"You're lying to me, flower" he presses his thumb underneath my right eye, though not hard enough to hurt me.

"I keep having a dream" I begin, "where Ludi shoots me, and I can't figure out why it's happening. Why didn't you tell me he was the one who shot your knee out? That he's the one who gave you so many scars?" I surprise myself that I'm not crying. Instead, I sort of feel relieved to finally ask.

"You came to me and told me that you had watched your brother work his hands to the bone to help you and your younger brother, only to have him go into the military and have little to no contact with him until he got back. Then, you watched him pull himself up from such horrid conditions and watched him be killed for no apparent reason. I did not want to burden you with orders he received during his time as a general, I wanted you to remember him for who he was, flower" he kisses me, "He was the one who shot me, yes. He is also the one who saved my life, he joined in my military ranks in exchange for a favor. He wanted me to keep quiet after his retirement and never allow his family to know he was part of anything I had to offer, he thought you'd brand him a traitor."

I gasped Ludwig thought of _himself_ as a traitor? Is that what that dream was about? But, then why would he shoot me? Would he of thought I'd be better off dead than with Ivan? Or is it something else?

I grabbed his shirt and balled it up in my fists, trying to keep a hold on reality. I feel like my sanity is slowly draining from me, day by day, to the point where I can barely think. It's like a knife is slowly being dragged across my brain, destroying everything I was and have come to be. I felt this way once before, the day Ludi died. That day, I went mad and ended up grabbing a gun and shooting one of the townsfolk whom I knew was part of the resistance. I ended up having to move from my provenance and go into hiding for nearly a year.

I pulled Ivan by the back of his neck and kissed him, hard. His body was tense and his hands curled around my hair, pulling it slightly as if in questioning my actions. I bit his lip in response, breaking the skin so the coppery taste of blood entered my mouth as we kissed. Blood, the liquid of life all around me. Why is it that red is the beginning and end of everything? Blood is a part of birth, the giving of life, and it has stained my past in the end of life.

Ivan yanked my hair, pulling me roughly from him and onto the bed beside him. I landed with a muffled _thud_ amongst the blankets on my face and he reached over to flip me over. He was being rough, no he wasn't Ivan.

I'm not Maria anymore.

He moved to lift me and I kicked him as hard as I could, loving the sound of the air being rushed from his body as he was knocked backwards. I was at my feet, crouched like a preditor with my eyes level with his. He looked amused and scared at once. That fear drove me insane. Why the fuck was _he_ scared?

He got up on his feet and lunged for me, arms streached to pin me. I sprung up, using the matress like a trampoline, and my foot collided with his shoulder, giving me the lift needed to hop over him. My landing was far from graceful, but I managed to get back on my feet before he was able to turn back to me. Ivan's eyes were no longer his own, and I couldn't help but smile.

What is it you called this Gunter? Forceful co-operation? Physical medicine?

I would destroy this soldiers hold on me, I would get _my_ Ivan back for good if it kills me. I'm not gonna be the pussy who hides in the corner to make everyone else fucking happy anymore. My own brother sacrificed his loyalty, his pride to make sure I would never be associated with this soldier side of Ivan, so I wouldn't have to be afraid and I'll be damned if he will die in vain.

Ivan lunged for me, quicker on his feet now, and I used the edge of the bed to lift me up so my foot collided with his face. It barely moved him, grabbing my foot and throwing me across the room with one arm. My back collided with the edge of his old desk and I spat out blood, dropping like a sack of potatoes on my knees.

"I don't understand why he deals with you" I heard Ivan's voice call out, sharper, "I wish he'd just let me kill you already."

I smiled and shakilly got up on my feet, slowly stumbling my way over to him. I dropped a few times and every time I took a step forward, he took a step back.

I finally got to him, the wall pressed against his back.

"You know" I breathed, straitening up on my tippy toes, my hands on his shoulders and our faces inches apart. I could hear the patter of footsteps and yelling down the hall.

"I really do love you Ivan" I laughed, "BUT I CAN'T FUCKING STAND YOUR ROOM MATE" I screamed, throwing my head forward in a bone shattering _crack_ against his. The room spun and I felt blood trickle down my face. I only had enough time to see Ivan's body slump to the floor and the door being thrown open before the floor rushed up to meet me.

_**Holy fucking shit Maria is a badass. I'm quite surprised that I went this rout, but this is only the begining of the turn around :)**_

_**So, she finnally stood up for herself against soldier, woot!**_

_**Please R&R, litterally the only reason I bother with this is for yall!**_

_**~Yulie**_


	15. Answers and Italy

**Authors note: So yea, I'm not much of a smutty type writer, so yay for fluffiness :D**

"Hey sis, how do you veiw the new king?"

I'm not sure, I guess I don't veiw him as anything at all.

"What, like he's nothing at all _to you?_"

I wouldn't quite say that. I've never known the guy, so I don't know how to veiw him.

"What's with you and trying to analyze people? Look at what he's done to our country!"

I know, I'm not saying that he's anything good or bad.

"Would you hate him if you did meet him? Would you hurt him like he did to everyone else?"

I pause and strain to think for an answer.

**I don't know**

_Gunter Beilschmidt, A loving brother and an amazing teacher. R.I.P._

Fading is a good way to describe it, fading in and out of conciousness, of reality. The dull feeling of diving beyond sleep into an almost weightless state where only a high pitched beeping invaded my body. I would resurface every now and again, a white room with wires and tubes protruding from my arms, but then the pain would wash over me and I would fall back before I could scream. It was pure agony.

Time seemed almost inexistance, the only part of reality still clinging to me was the sound of that ever present beeping that seemed to echo off of my bones like wind chimes in a storm. I could faintly hear voices, sometimes Ivan's or Feliciano's. Other times it would be Eduard's or even Gunter's. It was like I was suspended in water, listening to the world around me without being able to surface and tell them I'll be alright.

It could have been days, or months, that I was like this. It wasn't until Ludwig showed up that I resurfaced for good.

The water around me shifted and I fell, releasing me into a white room much like the one Ludi stayed in when he first got home from the millitary. No, this _was_ his room. He sat across from me in his wheelchair, his hair down to his shoulders instead of it's short cut and his blue eyes alight with joy.

"Maria" his voice nearly drew me to tears and I wrung my hands out in my lap, "You can't hold onto us forever."

"What do you mean?" I was surprised how little my voice shook.

"Gunter and I love you so much, you know that don't you? We want you to be happy."

White hot rage ran through my veins, for what I'm not sure, and I found myself near yelling.

"Why didn't you tell me about joining Ivan's millitary, about who he really was? Why did you shoot me?" I gasped at the last part, surprising myself, and then it dawned on me.

"You- you really did shoot me, didn't you? The night that you came home from te shop, the night Gunter died." I was crying now.

"It was innevitable that Ivan was going to win the war. I had him in my interrogation room and as I uncovered the information he had I-" he looked down at his lap, "I got scared. I wanted to know that you and Gunter were safe, so I helped him escape and nearly lost both my legs in the process. Even when I was home, I was still in his ranks. I was to behave like a normal citizen and protect his soldiers from resistance members."

I opened my mouth to speak but he gave me a look that I knew all too well. If I spoke now, he'd never find the strength to start again.

"I started working at the square so I could keep an eye out for signs of danger. That's when I heard the gunfire two blocks away. When I saw Gunter I-" He squeesed his eyes shut for a second and took a shakey breath, "He had fired on one of the soldiers and they had fired back, he had joined the resistance. I couldn't take it, so I did the stupidest thing a man in my position could have done. I went home." He took another breath and then shakilly stood from his wheelchair, making the few steps over and sitting on his knees in front of me. He pulled my hands from my lap and folded his own over them.

"Yes, I did shoot you. Here." he brushed his fingers over a dip in my ribcage on the right side, "I don't really know why I did it, but it haunted me until the day I died. Even now, it hurts to think about it. That's not why your here though, Maria." He traced little patterns on the sides of my fingers before speaking again.

"I never called you a traitor, but I thought of myself as one. Not because I was a part of Ivan's ranks, but because I never did anything about what happened to Gunter and because of what I did to you. I don't know if you forgive me, or even if he would have if he'd known who I really was. The main thing though-" He lifted himself up and pulled me to stand with him. He was still nearly half a foot taller than me and now his hair was short and slicked back, his legs no longer wobbly and aqward. His blue eyes held a spark in them once more and the scar on his cheek was gone. He wrapped me tightly in a hug and I couldn't help but start to cry.

"Shhh, it's alright. I'll always be here for you, schwester, I want you to know that I love you and I want you to be happy, no matter who it's with. I'll always be watching over you." He let go slowly and took a step back to look me in the eye, he was crying to.

"Tell Ivan hello for me, and tell him if you get hurt again that I'll come back just to kick his ass a second time." He laughed and began to fade. I screamed out to him, but it was too late. I felt the water consuming me again and I opened my eyes to the white hospital room and felt a hand pressed to my cheek.

"Ivan?" I groaned, but when I looked up all I saw were Feliciano's deep brown eyes.

"Oh! Your awake! I'm sorry, you were mumbling and crying in your sleep so I was trying to calm you down, I'll go fetch Eddy!" he bounced up and down as he talked, making me dizzy. At least I wasn't in pain anymore.

"No your not, stay here and I'll go get him. You need to be resting" I heard Romano's voice scold him and Feli stuck his tounge out in response, making me laugh. Ok, laughing hurts.

"You want me to try and find the big guy while I'm out there?" he hollered from the door and I coughed out a "yes" before he slipped out into the halls.

"How long have I been out of it?" I groaned as Feli tried helping me sit up. My whole abdomen hurt with my movements and my head felt like it weighed a hundred pounds.

"Well, tomorrow would have been six weeks." I nearly fainted, six weeks? I've been down for over a month? What's happened since then? How bad was I hurt?

"You had a nasty cuncussion and a pretty hard blow th the back." Feli said as if reading my thoughts, "Eddy said you nearly broke your spine. You did break a few ribs, though, and he said the overall stress of all the stuff going on with you and Ivan mixed with so many injuries back to back really did you in." While he spoke, he pulled a brush from the bedside table and strung it through my messy hair, braiding a peice of my bangs. I couldn't help but giggle at him being back to his usual self, always hyper and having to do something to keep himself busy. I didn't like it at all when he was on those sedatives, barely able to stay awake.

"So hows everything been going in my absence" I said through my giggle fit and he gave a sort of sad smile.

"Well, so so for the most part. Everyones been kinda down cause we were all worried about you. Big brother had to force Franny and Toni to go home two days ago because neither of them had slept in days. Not only that but we've all had to team up against Ivan a few times to get some sleep and eat something. He was all torn up for hurting you. We haven't seen even the slightest show of soldier since the accident though, it's almost like he's afraid to come out now." He beamed at me and winked at the last part and we both broke out into a laugh. It was a stinging pain, but more annoying then actually painful so I let it be. It felt good to laugh after so long in the weightless abyss, and for a brief moment I could almost hear Ludwig's laughter join ours.

"It's nice to see such a recovery from you, Ma'am" Eduard spoke through our moment and came over to me. He checked my vitals, pulled a few questions from his clipboard, and then had a nurse come in to remove my monitor tags and my IV.

"You should be able to go home in a few hours, if you have any pains or aches just give me a call and I'll set you up with some pain killers. Really, you've been in near perfect health for a week or so, we just wanted to make sure you'd wake up eventually." He smiled at me in his usual perfessional-yet-casual way and then left to file away some paperwork.

I pulled the blankets from my lap and turned so my feet touched the floor.

"Umm, Feli? Do I have any clothes anywhere?" I blushed, pulling the blanket to cover my back. Stupid hospital gowns.

"Here, Ivan left this here for you in case you woke up" he tried to hold back another fit of laughter at me and handed me Ivan's light brown coat. I stood, my legs shakey from lack of use, and slipped it on, buttoning it up to my throat so I could duck my head into the fabric up to my nose. It smelled of him, of mint and fresh fallen rain. It felt even bigger on me then usual and I wondered how much weight I must have lost. I don't think I could afford to loose too much, I've been yelled at for my poor weight for years. Sometimes I wish I could just eat an entire city and gain some so I wouldn't have to look at my ribs every time I lifted my shirt.

I did a few slow laps around the bed to get my muscles working again and just when I was about to sit down for a second, the door opened gently and Ivan stepped in. He wore a plain black T-shirt and a pair of worn jeans. He looked kind of out of place in such casual clothing.

I half-ran half-hobbled over to him and jumped up, pushing myself as high as I could so he held me at eye level, pressing my lips firmly against his and threading my fingers in his hair. He responded immediatly, cupping my face with one hand, the other hooked under me to keep me from falling.

"I missed you" I whispered and he chuckled, pressing our forheads together.

"You have no idea."

/line break/

The ride home was the first time I had ever been in a car. It made me queasy and I spent most of the ride curled up with my knees under my chin and my head in Ivan's lap trying not to puke all over the floorboards. Feli and Ivan talked with me a bit to try to get my mind off of my motion sickness, but in the end we all found it easier just to let me be in my own little world. That was probably the first time I had ever seen the two of them have an actual conversation. Feli no longer seemed anxious around Ivan, actually laughing and even scolding him a bit. They seemed more like good friends than a master and his servant, and it took me a moment to realise that they _were_ good friends, once upon a time.

When we got home, I ended up heaving outside for a minute or two. I wished there was something in my stomach, because dry heaves are so much worse then just throwing up and getting it over with. Ivan knelt next to me, rubbing my back, and Feli and Romano stayed on the other side of the car bickering to give me some privacy.

Once I was alright, we took off down the driveway towards the mansion. Feli took me by my hands and we spun around like we did in the ballroom, making me dizzy and my head pound. Romano scolded him and cracked him over the head.

"What the hell! She just got out of the hospital Veniciano, don't be so rough!"

"Big brother! Your so mean to me~ I was just having fun!"

I giggled and leaned against Ivan to keep my balance, "Aww don't be so mean Romano, he didn't do any harm."

His face flushed a bit and he looked away, mumbling something along the lines of "this time." Feliciano grabbed him by his hands and spun him around like he did to me, breaking out in a fit of giggles as romano chased him around the yard, screaming a string of curses at him despite a rather obvious smile on his face.

/line break/

It wasn't untill I realised that the entire house was diffrent that I realised we weren't in Russia anymore. Pretty sad, isn't it? We entered the house into a large, open space strait ot of a fairytale. It was a circular room with two arched stairways leading up to a balcony. The cieling was made of glass, shaped like a dome with little chips here and there on the surface. a spiral staircase, barely wide enough for me to walk up, lead up into the dome on a walkway and I gasped at the sight outside. Tall buildings that framed a odd shaped little town, a large central square bustling with people, large waterways connecting portions of the city togther and people on long, narrow boats.

"Welcome to our home" Feli called up at me as I made my way back down, careful not to trip on one of the stairs.

"Wait, then we're-"

"This is Italy! Me and big brother grew up a few blocks from that central square, I can show you sometime if you'd like~" He was practically bouncing while he spoke, how could I refuse?

"Sure, maybe we could spend the day tomorrow, you can show me around." I swear he imploded with excitement, spinning around till he tripped over the balcony railing. Thank god Ivan was standing there to pull him back over or that would have been ugly. Romano launched himself at Feli in another one of his big brother rants and I felt Ivan tug on my sleave.

"I want to show you around, let's go whille they're distracted" he whispered from behind me and I slipped down the stairs with him quietly. The house was huge and all of the rooms were well spaced with high cielings. A lot of the cielings had intricate patterns painted on them and some of the walls told stories through their artwork.

He took me down a series of halls and rooms and finally stopped at a large set of double doors. The wood had carvings of overlaping sunflowers and on the door was an inscription that read :

Саде является жизнью роза,

я предполагал оно, чтобы быть красивой

Но когда свет летом дает

полное цветение

это быстро отомрет

_**но моя роза живет вечно**_

"What does it say?" I whisper to him, skimming my fingers over the letters. He spoke the entire thing to me in Russian and then again in English, "Sad is the life of a rose, I assumed it to be beautiful, but when summer's light, brings full bloom, it quickly withers away."

"And this part?" I asked, running my hands over the last part, it seemed less fancy like it was done with a pocket knife or something.

"но моя роза живет вечно" he said, twisting the knob and opening the door, "But my rose lives eternally."__I didn't even get a chance to admire the room because the door closed and Ivan spun me around, pressing a kiss to my lips. He picked me up and set me on the edge of something soft, probably a bed. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing my fingertip against the back of his neck and his scalp.

I trailed my hands down to his shirt and tugged on it sharply.

"You sure?" he whispered, his body stiffening just slightly.

"Never more in my life" I breathed in return, tugging on his shirt again, "Off."

He chuckled and pulled it over his head, throwing it to the floor and attacking my lips again. My hands ghosted over his torso, not quite buff or perfect, but mine. My hands slid to his back where they traced the indents of his scars and the raised skin by the metal plate in his shoulder. I managed to get his belt undone and pop the button on his jeans, but his kisses trailed to my neck, making it harder to concentrate. I lifted my legs and hooked my toes into his belt loops to pull them down. He chuckled against the skin of my neck.

"Imaptient, are we? Little spider monkey" he kissed my lips again and then helped me remove his pants. He went back to work on my neck, slowly poping the buttons free on his coat till it was open to him, leaving me almost completely naked to him, spare the sleaves still covering my arms. He whispered something in Russian and placed a kiss on the spot between my collarbones.

"What?" I breathed and my breath hitched as his fingers skimmed over the skin just above my bellybutton.

"Your beautiful" he breathed against my skin, sending shivers through me. He kissed just below my breasts and then reached up to pull my arms out of the sleaves, tossing the coat to the floor.

"Ivan?" he looked up at me, "I love you"

He smiled and kissed my lips, then my forehead, "I love you to, Maria."

/Line breakage/

I dremnt that I was in a garden, surrounded by lavander and white roses. I had a violin tucked under my chin and I was playing some sort of lullaby it seemed. I screwed up a note and sighed, turning my face to feel the warmth of the sun against my skin. It was a simple dream, but a nice one all the same.

Waking up was the best part. I was curled up ontop of Ivan, my head pressed against his chest and his arms wrapped around me like a protective shield. I was halfway between laying on my side and laying on my stomach, one leg hanging over onto the bed and the other laying in between Ivan's. I felt so small in his arms, even though he's really only a few inches taller than me, curled up against him to listen to the steady thumping of his heartbeat in his ribcage. I shifted a bit and his arms tightened around me.

I looked up to see his face contorted as if in pain, mumbling something in Russian in his dream. I cupped his face and tried to remember all the lessons he had given me in Russian.

"Don't leave" he was saying and I frowned. It hadn't dawned on me just how much I must have scared him being out for so long. Did he see what happened with soldier? What if it was like an out-of-body thing where he could see everything, he just couldn't do anything to help?

"Ivan- Ivan wake up, your having a nightmare" I kissed his forhead and his eyes fluttered open, still half asleep.

"I'm still here, I'm alright." He loosened his grip on me and he cupped my face in his hands as if to make sure I was still there. After a few seconds, he smiled and pulled me down to kiss me, trailing his hands along my sides till he found the spot on my hip, making me arch my back and moan. He chuckled and I sat up, the cool air raising goosebumps on my skin.

"Don't start big guy" I joked, poking his chest, "Now where is the bathroom so I can take a shower?"

His eyes flashed in amusement and I rolled off of him, pulling a sheet with me to wrap around me. He got up and slipped on a pair of boxers before opening what I thought was a closet. Instead, it lead into a T shaped area that had the bathroom on one side and a walk-in closet that was at least twice the size of my apartment in England.

The shower was large with sliding glass doors and across the room was a claw-footed tub. I turned on the water and shut the door behind me while Ivan went on a search to get me some clothes to wear. The showerhead was a pain in the ass, literally. I had to climb the soap rack in order to twist it down so it wasn't spraying me in the eyes and I ended up slipping and falling on my ass trying to get down again. After a moment of cursing and rubbing my sore rear, I settled under the warm spray and got to work on getting clean. There were no brushes in the bathroom, so I settled for my messy mop, treading back into the room in just a towel. I pouted when I realised that there wasn't a windowsill to sit in and decided to just sit ontop of a cabnet-type peice of furniture that was only a little bit taller than the bed's endtables. Ivan came back in and set some clothes down next to me, capturing my lips for a breif moment.

"It's a little chilly out today, so I managed to find you a sweater." I slipped the clothing on, basic jeans and a tanktop with an off the shoulder, knitted sweater. He sat down on the cabnet.

"I could stay for a bit longer" I whined, slipping in between his legs and hugging his chest.

"That's up to you, flower. Feliciano was practically clawing at the door a few minutes ago" he laughed and my heart melted. This is the real Ivan, my Ivan. I threw my hands up in defeat and gave him another quick kiss before heading out the door and then stopping dead in my tracks.

"To your left, if you keep going untill the end and take a right you'll end up at the balcony" Ivan snickered and I flushed with embarassment before taking his directions.

_**Annnnd cue ending theme music ~phscooo~**_

_**Alrighty, so I haven't been able to do much typing lately due to some outside world drama, but I'm hoping to get the next chapter done within the next few days after I catch up on one of my other stories :3**_

_**I hope this chapter wasn't a total disaster XD**_

_**Please R&R my lovely roses, your feedback truely makes my day (seriously I check like every six hours XD)**_

_**~Yulie**_


	16. Friendship is beautiful

I stared in awe at the ruins in front of me. A whole half of the building had been struck in war, leaving a wide, gaping hole in the side. Even then, it was stunning.

Beautiful.

Feliciano had been talking to me moments before we stepped in front of the building, telling me all about it's history, but when he turned around his voice dropped and his shoulders tensed. Romano was the same, turning his head and spitting on the pavement as if disgused before reaching a hand to rest on his brother's shoulder. Feli shrugged him away, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides for a moment before spinning to me again with his grin spread on his face again. He bounced lightly and began his tour again as if nothing had happened, but the hurt in his eyes burned into my soul.

It wasn't until he stopped in front of a resturant, talking about getting something to eat, that I decided to do something. I reached out and squashed him against my chest, tightening my grip as he tried to pry himself from me. This wasn't the Feli I wanted, this just isn't him.

"Hey Maria?" Feli mumbled, his hands coming up to grip my arms where they wrapped around his shoulders, "What happened to your home? Durring the war.." I loosened my grip and Romano cut in on us, "Let's get some food and go somewhere quiet" he grumbled and I barely had enough time to nodd before Feli was dragging me around by my arm again.

/ k/

The three of us stopped at a large streach of what once was a large square made of cobblestone. Now, most of the stone was overgrown with weeds and the large oval-shaped fountain at the center spat out semi-rusted water into a chipped bowl at the bottom which leaked onto the streets.

Romano kept a close eye on Feliciano, only letting him be once he had half his food finished.

"So what happened?" Feli asked again once I was finished eating and Romano left to throw away our boxes.

"It kept breathing, moving on like a bird that lost it's wings." I said, tucking my knees under my chin, "We all unified, doing for each other whenever we could until our flag was burned. Now only a fraction of our country is inhabitable, the rest is too badly scared or there's too much radiation."

"Oh" he said sadly, mimicking my position, "I'm so sorry. Whenever I look at the damage here in my home, it burns. I couldn't imagine not even having fractions of it to remind you of before."

"It's ok" I said, gently tapping my foot against his, "There's still the part I remember. That's plently enough for me." I looked out at the fountain and then farther to the canals snaking around, "your home is really beautiful."

"You should have seen it before, I used to play on that fountain as a kid, always getting into trouble with big brother because he was worried I'd get sick" he gave a hearty laugh and I joined in.

"You know" he said, leaning back a bit to watch as Romano made his way back to us, "When I was younger I never thought of this place as my home, but now I realise that it was my sanctuary."

"I know the feeling" I laughed, flopping back onto the grass, the sun warming up my face.

/ /

It was nightfall by the time we came in through the front doors at the mansion. I was on Romano's back, my shoes slung loosely in one hand and the other slung loosely from his neck to keep me upright. It's surprising just how strong Romano is, being at least two inches shorter than me and not very muscled-looking. It also surprised me just how nice he was about it, scooping me up by choice when we stopped for a break because my feet were sore. He grumbled a bit in the begining, but I swear I saw him smile twice when Feli told him how gentlemenly he was acting.

Ivan was up on the balcony, smirking down at us as Feli helped me unhook myself from Romano's back. The zipped on my jeans got caught in the back of his shirt and my face flushed bright red as I unsnagged it, Ivan and Feli rolling in laughter. Still slightly flushed, I huffed and pounced Feli in a fit of giggles, tickling him until he screamed mercy.

My family.

/ /

About an hour after Feli and Romano left for bed, Ivan excused himself to his study. He told me it would most likely be late before he'd be going to bed, so I did the only thing I could think of.

I found my way to the dining hall and stole Francis and Antonio to walk around the mansion with me. I traded out my daytime clothes for some pj shorts and a tanktop and Francis led us down a long, narrow spiral staircase to a basement of sorts that was lit with old dust bulbs. There was a main part that was about as big as my room and had twenty some tunnels streaching out in all directions. The staircase was dead center of the circular room and all around were various tables, bookshelves and what looked to be maps of the tunnel systems.

"This was created centuries before the war as a sort of transportation for revolutionarys" Francis spoke, walking over to one of the maps, " these tunnels run to various checkpoints from France to china, very useful if you ask me."

"Why so far?" I asked, coming over to peek around him.

"Because some old man who yelled about being able to see the future told some people that a domination would destroy the world and some other people got parinoid" He smirked at me, his eyes alight.

"Namely, Francis' great-great-great grandfather" Antonio spoke up, "and Feli and Romano's great-great- you get the picture- their ancestor started the building on this place. My ancestor finished it." He smiled at me and I clicked my jaw shut.

"What they didn't expect is that the tunnels would help the invasion, but it also helped to end the war." I looked up at him, confused.

"These were the tunnels your bro helped Ivan get away in. If Ivan wouldn't have lived, then the commander would have" they both shivered, "he would have been given controll over everything."

"Wow" I breathed, running my fingers over the various lines on the map. The tunnels were built in an almost honeycomb design with scattered dead ends and wrong turns so If you don't know exactly where your going you'd die before you got to your destination. My hand froze just above one checkpoint:

_Berlin_.

I followed the line back and my heart dropped. A slash had been put through the tunnel line and below it read: _Caved in, radiation levels dangerous. _

"How?" I whispered. My home, my house is in Berlin.

"An entire rank of soldiers had come through there and a misfired gun caused a supprot beam to shatter. We put the radiation warning because when another band of soldiers went in for survivors they said some pretty gruesome details." Antonio put a hand on my shoulder and leaned forward to point to another checkpoint. He smelled of chili spice and burnt wood, "The same thing happened here by my home town and here-" he pointed to another farther up, "Franny's home town."

"I hated that neighborhood anyways, good riddence" Francis huffed, but I could just faintly make out the outline of a tear.

We all wandered over to one of the many tables and I propped a foot up on my lap, rubbing the soreness from it in frustration.

"Hey, let me see that" Franny said, scooting closer and pulling my foot to his lap. He slipped of my sock and clicked his tounge like a mother scolding a child.

"You need to wrap this up."

"It can't be that ba-" I began and he lifted up my sock for me to see. It was dark yellow in some parts and a rather large bloodstain was on the bottom.

"Your shoes are probably too small and are rubbing them, I'll see about finding you a better pair." I opened my mouth to protest but Antonio just chuckled at me.

"There's no use arguing with him when he's in mama mode Maria" he laughed, his tounge rolling out the r in my name and accentuating the a at the end, "Once he had his mind set theres no turning back."

I giggled as Francis switched to my other foot, his hands tickling them to the point that I almost kicked him in the face twice. The other foot wasn't so bad, just a little blistering on the side of my foot and a sore spot on the bottom of my foot near the toes. Now I understand why Antonio calls this his "mama mode."

"Hey Tonio?" I giggled as Francis wiggled my pinky toe, "Say my name again."

"Huh?" he looked at me like I had grown a second head and my face flushed in embarassment.

"It's just- uh... the was you said it before sounded kinda strange, but in a good way." I stumbled, trying not to sound creepy.

"Oh" he laughed, "You mean my accent? Where I come from, that's how we pronounce Maria." he rolled his tounge and I tried to copy him, doing more noises and sitting then actually rolling my tounge. By the time I gave up we were all rolling in laughter.

"So tell me, Maria, what's your talents?" Antonio asked, streaching out like a cat. I tilted my head to the side and tried to think through the amazing foot massage Francis was giving me.

"Well, I can shoot any gun pretty well, I can drink retty much anyone under the table, Oh! and I can play the cello." I mumbled and they both laughed, making my face get red.

"I doubt you could out-drink Ivan, but I do believe the gun part. You've got the callouses of a soldier" Antonio smiled, "think you could play us a song on the cello?"

"I don't have one on me at the moment, but I guess I could" I sighed, Francis tickling my feet again.

"So your saying that if we came up with a cello that you'd play it?" Francis lifted a brow and I nodded. He and Antonio exchanged an amused look and I gulped.

"What about you two? What can you do?" I mewled, streaching out on my chair to get more comfy.

"Antonio is good with languages and is very agile. He trains every morning before sunrise." Franny clicked his tounge again, "Which is not healthy considering how cold it usual is at that time."

Antonio stuck his toung out and then turned to me. "Franny is an amazing cook and does great with medicine." Antonio rested his chin on one hand.

"That's because I was in medical school, but I've always wanted to open a resteraunt" Franny sighed.

Antonio leaned in to me, angling his hand towards my ear to whisper, "Yea, and word has it, hes pretty good at blowj-" Antonio was cut off as one of my shoes hit him dead in the face, making him fall over backwords in his chair.

"so I take it your pretty good with throwing knives?" I giggled and Francis looked at me in confusion for a second before giving a small laugh back.

"Nope, just shoes."

/ /

I'm not sure when exactly I fell asleep, only that I woke up in my bed tangled up in the bedsheets next to Ivan. My bad foot had been wrapped and next to my bedside table was a pair of newer-looking black sneakers. on the bedside table was two rolls of gauze and some medicated foot ointment.

Groaning, I untangled myself and hobbled over to the bathroom (after accidentally walking into the closet first), stripping down and hopping into the shower. the hot water stung a bit on my feet and rolled across my newly-attained scars, making me shiver. At least Ivan left the showerhead down for me so I didn't have to try and climb up to it again. I don't understand why it is that being in the shower gives you some much time to fucking _think_. It took some pinching and near banging my head against the tiles to keep my mind from wandering.

I was torn from la la land by a pair of arms encircling me, making me jump out of my skin and gasp in surprise, only to hear a low chuckle from behind me.

"Ivan you scared me" I whined, turning around so I could kiss him. He simply laughed and let me go, shutting the shower door again so I could rinse my hair while he started his usual morning routine.

"Hey Ivan?" I hollered out from under the shower spray.

"Da?"

"Do I have any clothes to change into?" I twisted the nobs on the shower but only the hot actually turned, leaving me in a spray of ice cold water. I squeeked loudly and backed up to the edge of the shower, hissing like an angry cat.

"Are you alright?" Ivan asked, opening the door again and trying to stifle a laugh. He leaned in and twisted the nob with ease, shutting off the flow of evil.

"Thanks" I shivered, grabbing a fluffy towel and wrapping myself in it.

"Not a problem, love. Francis left quite a few outfits in the closet for you" he leaned in and brushed his lips over mine, leaving a diffrent kind of shiver down my spine as I walked out of the bathroom and across the narrow hallway to the closet. I quickly scanned all the clothes hanging up and folded on shelves before deciding on a plain T-shirt, jeans and a sweatshirt. Maybe I'll be fancy tomorrow, but today I just want to chill.

No pun intended.

On my way out of the closet, I bashed Ivan in the face with the door. He just laughed it off, but I wanted to crawl into a corner and die. It's amazing what some people can just shrug off, if someone busts my head with a door I snap.

Listen to me ramble, Gods I'm pathetic.

Sad is the life of a rose I assume.

"So what is it you'd like to do today, my flower?" My ears perked up and I smiled excitedly. That means I'll actually get to spend a day with Ivan!? Score!

My smile quickly faded when a dull thump started in my foot and I bit my lip.

"Can you help me wrap my foot?"

"Da, of course" his smile melted my bones and made my heart flutter in my chest, "Is there anything else you'd like to do?"

I cracked a smile, "Can we cuddle up with a book?"

He looked up at me, his expression shocked and somewhat amused, "Did you just say 'cuddle'"?

We both burst out laughing.

"I really want to explore with you, but if Francis catches me on my feet.." I let the rest hang in the air and he nodded in understanding, tying off the bandage.

"Then we'll stay in here, is there a specific book you'd like me to read?" My smile widened and I squirmed like a child on Christmas morning.

"You pick."

/ /

**Ok, so I fiiiinally got this update done**

**Sorry it's been so long, I was in and out of the hospital for a while so I really haven't gotten much done on any of my stories in a while -_-"**

**Please R&R! I'll try to get the next one up sometime next week, but I have a lot of catching up to do on some other prodjects so wish me luck!**

**With lots of love~**

**~Yulie**


	17. Twin troubles

You know, it's really fucking annoying when a bone does everything it can to _make sure_ you know it's there...

Two days of being under the watchful eye of Ivan and "mama mode" Francis, my feet were all scabbed up and ready to heal up, but it _hurt._ Feliciano came into my room over a dozen times apoligising, telling me that it was his fault for making me walk so much, but after a long argument he finally left it at being both our faults. It wasn't like it was broken or anything, just blistered and sore. It's not like it's the worst my feet have ever seen, but it was still annoying.

Ivan made it more bareable, reading to me and telling me about his childhood. It was a whole week, just the two of us, and it was heaven. Sometimes, we would just lay there curled up around each other, just enjoying each other's company.

Unfortunatly, all good things must come to an end.

After the week was up, I managed to convince Francis that I was fine enough to travel around Italy again. This time, I couldn't bring both of the twins with me. Feli was resting after a slight fever spike, so (with much begging) I convinced Lovino to go with me. I would have gone alone, but Ivan told me it wasn't safe.

"So why are you so protective, Lovi?" I asked as we made our way past the main square, walking heel to toe along the edge of the cracked fountain, "I mean, besides the obvious."

"Stupid mistakes can cost someone more than their lives" he grumbled, "and I don't want to see that happen."

I thought about this while we walked, enjoying the quiet that seemed to follow Lovino wherever he was. The oposite of Feli, who seemed to atract every noise for miles.

"Can ask you another question? Kinda personal.." I trailed off, looking down to avoid the broken sidewalks.

"Whatever" he sighed, abruptly tugging me to the side ust as a kid on a bike can whizzing by.

"Thanks" I murmered, "A while back, when I got hurt, you left the room and..." I trailed off, not knowing the right way to ask.

"And what?" He pulled me over again, this time a bit more gently and yelled at another passer-by on a bike to watch where he was going.

"Antonio said you were Feli's sister" I blurted out before I could stop myself and he froze, mumbling something under his breath. He grabbed my arm rather roughly and led me between two houses ad down a series of alleyways.

"Ow- Lovi, where are we going?" I hissed, his fingers were digging into my arm.

"Sorry" he released me, but never stopped until we came up on a fairly small house with a broken wood porch and a door that had the Italian flag nailed to it. He sat on the topmost stair of the porch and motioned for me to sit next to him.

"This is our old house, it looks like shit now cause the resistance tried to tear it down but Ivan sent soldiers in to protect it." He twirled a leaf between his fingers, "You have to swear you wont tell _anyone _about what I'm about to tell you, not even Ivan."

I swallowed, "I promise.

He took a deep breath and crumpled the leaf, picking up another to start over.

"My real name is Lovina, and Feliciano's name is actually Veniciano. We weren't very creative with our names, but it worked so fuck it. He's actually older than I am, we're fraternal twins. When Ivan came to power in Italy, I cut my hair and worked on my apearance to look like a boy so that I could join into the millitary with Feli as his older brother. I figured if they thought I was a man that they'd treat us no diffrent than any other dumbass who joined, and I'd be able to protect Feli." He paused, giving me a sideways glance, "Only Francis and Antonio knew because they treated my wounds more than once while I was in the millitary. That..." his face took on a light shade of red.

"And?" I pressed, curiosity getting the best of me.

"Technically, Antonio is my husband" he (she?) said, showing me a chain around his neck where a ring dangled. It looked almost exactly the same as the one on Antonio's finger.

"Holy shit" I gasped like a fish out of water, "hoooooollllyyy shit."

"Shhhh" she hissed, covering my mouth with both hands, "I'm telling you this because I owe you for helping Feli, but if I find out you told a soul-"

"mmf" I groaned and she let go, "I told you, I swore I wouldn't tell. I'm just so happy to find out I'm not the only woman in the house! Urg you have no idea-" I groaned.

"Oh I know, I've been the only one for years. Well, besides Natalia" she gave a small giggle and then cleared her throat again, deepening her voice back.

"But the war is over, why don't you just go back to acting like a girl?" I whined, "I wanna dress you up now so bad!"

"It's not that easy for me" she sighed, "I'm so used to being the tough guy, but I've been trying to soften up a bit. It doesn't help that Feli is so sick all the time, I still..."

"I understand." I offered a smile and she laughed, "I've never tried to be a man or anything, but I understand your want to protect him."

"Oh, don't be fooled by his fragile act, that was part of our game in the millitary. If he needs to be, I've seen him snap." She frowned and I couldn't help but stare, I couldn't think of Feli being anything but kind to anyone.

"He's the one who pulled you out from soldier's grip that day you know." She looked over at me and then I saw it, the feminen curve of her face and the brightness in her eyes, "the day we took you to Antonio and Francis's room, he beat the fuck out of Ivan to get you away. To be honast, it scared me." My jaw dropped, _Feli_ beat up _Ivan?_ Impossible!

Right?

"I had no idea.." I stared at a crack in the concrete, "he told me you all helped him drag me away."

She gave a lighthearted laugh and put a hand on my shoulder, delicate and soft, "he can be more protective over people he's close to then I am. Ever since you walked into the door on the first day, he told me he wanted to keep you safe. He won't admit it, but I think he has a crush on you." She stood, "come on, we'd better go back to the main roads."

I started to stand, only to be caught on a peice of broken wood. A rather loud _riip_ sounded and I groaned in frustration to see that the side of my jeans had been ripped open from the knee to the waistline.

"Shit, I can't get a break, can I?" I cursed, trying to pull my shirt down over the part where my underwear stood out.

"Here" Lovi said, holding out her overshirt, "Tie it around your waist till we can get back to the house." Underneath, all she wore was a simple tanktop. It was for fitted, showing her curves and underneath I could see the outlines of bandages, probably to bind her breasts.

"Wont someone notice you like that?" I asked, motioning to her.

"You know, I think I really don't care" she shrugged, "you're right, the war is over. Who cares?" She gave me a hearty smile and I couldn't help but smile back, tying the shirt so it covered the rip.

"You wanna...ride on my back again?" She mumbled, looking down at the ground.

I laughed, "sure, why not?"

/

When we got to the house, I was (addmittedly) sad that no one was in the main halls. We came down to my room and I locked the door so it was just the two of us while I changed into a new pair of pants.

"Can I dress you up? Please~" I begged and she just crossed her arms, shaking her head.

"Pleeeeaaaaassssseeeee" I whined, "It'll just be me and you here, I won't let anyone in I swear!"

"Do you have any idea how long it takes me to get this done?" She growled, motioning to the bandages on her chest, "besides, if Ivan knocked you wouldn't have much of a choice."

I smiled evilly,"well, there's always grabing some clothes and heading down to Francis and Antonio's room~" I singed as I walked back into the closet.

"You wouldn't dare! Those two have been trying to get me into a dress for years!" Her face flushed bright red.

"I would and you know it" I winked and she groaned, debating her options.

"Fine, but only a few outfits, and you have to help me afterwards." She growled and I did a little happy dance, grabing three diffrent dresses from the closet and laying it on the bed.

"Ok, strip!" I giggled.

"Don't say it like that!" She blushed, pulling her tank over her head and undoing the clips on the ace bandages.

/

"This is so not fair" I whined, "my dresses look better on you then me!"

"Whatever" Lovi blushed, pulling on the bottom of the rather short dress. On me, it comes down to below my knees, but she's so much taller than me so it comes to a sexy thigh level.

"I'm serious Lovi, you have such beautiful curves, and you have more boob then I do so you fill out the dress better." I bounced on the balls of my feet, moving the closet door so she could see herself in the full-length mirror. She simply stared at her reflection for a while and I bit my lip in worry, I hope in doing this I didn't upset her or anything. Less I loose the only girl friend I have.

"I feel like a kid again" she smiled, "only my mother would have never allowed my dress to be this short" she laughed and the tension in the room lifted. We tried her into the other two dresses and then ended up going through most of the other clothes. I even managed to get her into a pair of heels, but that didn't work out so well. We found out that we wore the same size pants, but most of my shirts were too big for her.

After our fashon show I gave her one of my brasand she slipped back into her old clothes, discarding her bandages and we flopped onto the bed.

"So have you ever thought about having kids? You know, like with Ivan?" She asked, playing with the ring around her neck.

"Not really, I'm not sure if I'm ready for that kind of thing yet" I sighed, "I can barely take care of myself half the time, let alone me plus one."

"You seem to be taking care of yourself pretty well, all things considered"

"What about you and Antonio? Have you ever thought about having kids with him?"  
She blushed, "Well...actually we've never...you know.."

"What?" I squeeled, "you guys are married and you've never had sex?"

"Shh" she cover my mouth, "not so loud, this house echos you know!"

Now it was my turn to blush.

"It's not like we haven't wanted to, but it's kinda hard to. We're both always so busy and besides, what if I were to get pregnant? It's kind of hard to be Romano with a baby growing inside me" she pouted, swirling patterns into the comforter.

"All the more reason to be Lovina now~" I rolled onto my back.

"So have you had any tests done though? You know, just in case?" she mumbled, reaching out and grabbing my hair to braid a strand.

"Yea, every month Ivan makes me take a test to make sure. I havent missed any monthlys either, so I'm covered."

A knock sounded at the door and she tensed.

"Hey Maria? You home?" we heard Feli's voice call from the other side and she relaxed.

"Yea, hang on" I hollered, rolling off the bed to unlock the door so he could come in.

"Hey! You look like a girl again~" Feli beamed at Lovi and she flushed, mumbling under her breath at him. He crawled onto the bed and sat cross-legged on the pillows.

"Your supposed to be in bed resting" I scolded and he stuck his tounge out at me.

"Technically I am in bed resting, just not my bed at the moment." Lovi threw a pillow at him and called him a smart ass.

"So what were you guys talking about?" He bounced side to side and we both flushed deep red.

"Girl stuff" We said in unison and he tilted his head to the side and made a face like he ate something burnt.

"That's no fun, so where'd you guys go today? Did Lovi show you the cathedral?"

"I took her to see our old neighborhood and showed her our old house" Lovi sighed, turning on her side, "dad's flag is still on the door."

Feli grinned, "I knew it would, he was always yelling at us not to touch it."

"Your house is beautiful" I sighed, rolling onto my back to kick my feet in the air.

"You should have seen it when Mama was still alive, everything was so tidy and there was always some kind of food smell in the air. She's the one who taught us to cook."

"Wow" I smiled, "I think this is the first time you guys have ever talked about your past. And the only time you talked without arguing." We all laughed at this and before I knew it they had gone on a rant about being siblings and how siblings are supposed to fight.

/

That night, I couldn't sleep. No matter how much I tossed and turned, I couldn't get comfortable. Even tucked around Ivan, I squirmed and twisted until I ended up just giving up and sneaking out of bed so he cold get some sleep. I figured that as long as I was up, I might as well explore.

I got lost more than a dozen times and ended up at the balcony area, climbing up the spiral stairway to the glass dome overlooking Italy. The beautiful country streached out before me, glistening in the glow of moonlight.

"Ciao bella~ May I join you?" I heard Feliciano call from below and I looked down at him...bad idea...

"S-sure" I called back through my dizziness and I heard the stairs creak as he came up.

"Isn't it beautiful" he sighed, so close that his breath tickled the nape of my neck.

"Yea, it is" I breathed and rocked back on my heel, making the stairway jolt slightly and we both grabbed the railing. I flushed despite myself at how warm his hands wee on top of mine.

"Are you ok Maria? You're really cold" he mumbled and my face reddened deeper as his body heat flooded through me, my back flush with his chest.

"I'm okay, maybe we should go back down" I mumbled, but when I turned the stairs wiggled just enough to throw me off balance. Feli instantly shot an arm around my waist to steady, but let go just as quickly.

"Careful, hold the railing" he said smiling, turning and heading down the spiral. I waited till he was more than halfway down to start my decent, metally banging my head with a frying pan to bring my thoughts together.

The last set of stairs were tricky so it took me a while to get down them. The topost stairs were lit by the moonlight, but below there was only shadow.

"So what are you doing up so late?" Feli asked, crossing his arms behind his back while we walked.

"I could ask you the same thing. I just couldn't get comfortable so I took a walk so Ivan could sleep." I yawned.

He stopped walking briefly, but just enough that I could see it. His hair swept over his eyes so I couldn't see his faceand he was just so _silent_.

"Are you alright Feli?" I frowned, "You're acting kind of weird."

"Just tired is all" he mumbled.

"I call bullshit" I pouted, "You know you can talk to me."

He let out a small, sad laugh and stopped walking all together, "Then riddle me this, why are you with Ivan?"

I froze, his voice was so serious that it put my whole body on edge, "What?"

"He's put you in the hospital, beat you, choked you and God knows what else. He's caused you so much pain, yet you still swear that you're in love with him, why?"

"Feli" my voice cracked and I shook my head, "You know better than anyone that he's not really like that. He's-"

"Stop making excuses for him!" he growled, "Do you have any idea how hard it was to keep him from killing you before? Do you have _any_ idea how worried I've been that he'd end up killing you?" He was near yelling now and I took a step back from him.

"Why?" I whispered, my voice small.

"Why what?" he growled like an animal. I stepped forward and slapped him as hard as I could, the sound echoing through the hallways. He stood there in shock, his hand slowly coming up to his cheek where I had hit him.

"Give me back Feli" I grabbed his shirt and shook him roughly, "The Feli whos always sick but has fun anyways, that knows who I am and who Ivan is, that looks at the shit in his life and smiles because he can damnit!"

He looked down at me and started to laugh, his grin coming back on his face and his eyes tearing up.

"Now I know why soldier's afriad of you, Maria. I'm sorry, I just-" he sighed and I let him go, waiting for him to continue.

"It's just, I don't know how to say this." he scratched his head, his face no longer as serious as before.

"Then be blunt, that always works with me" I smiled.

Big mistake.

Feli debated this for a second and then grabbed me, lifting me up ever so slightly and kissing me. It was just a surface kiss and it didn't last long, but it still froze me in place.

"You...just..." I mumbled, trying to process the situation and he just flushed and scratched his head as if ashamed.

"Sorry, just forget it...sorry" he turned away from me and moved to walk away but I grabbed the back of his shirt.

"It's...okay..." I whispered, "never happened? Can we just keep walking?" My mind was fuzzyand I kept switching between forgeting and wanting to break something.

"Sure~" he smiled at me, "Let's just pretend it never happened, where do you want to go?"

"Bed" I said tiredly, "my bed, not yours" I stumbled and banged my head on the corner of a doorway.

"I kinda figured" he laughed, "come on, I'll show you the way."

/

Lips against mine, the feel of skin against skin. I groaned as a pair of lips latched onto my throat and another onto my breast, arching my back and moaning.

"Ivan...Feli..."

I woke up to a set of eyes staring at me and instantly freaked out, shooting upwards out of bed and smaking my head into theirs.

"Ow, damn do you have to _always_ be such a klutz?" Lovina groaned, rubbing her forhead.

"Sorry, why the hell were you staring at me?" I whined, rubbing my own sore head.

"You were mumbling in your sleep and I was trying to figure out what you were saying. Feli told me he ran into you last night and was mumbling something about fucking up your friendship. What happened?" She sat at the edge of the bed and stared at me, waiting.

"Where's Ivan?"

"In town, why?" Her brow furrowed in question and I sighed.

"He kissed me" I groaned in agony, burrying my head into a pillow, "and I couldn't react, I don't know what happened. I just froze!"

"What? Wait, so he kissed you? Little ass hole, I'll deal with him later" she grumbled, "What do you mean you couldn't react?"

"I mean my mind got all fuzzy and just empty, like I went numb" I whined, "and he just shrugged it off and I can't and ohmygodhowdoItellIvan."

"Slow down bella, don't freak out. Tell Ivan what? It was just a kiss, and a small one right? Just forget about it." She put a hand on my shoulder and I started shaking.

"That's just the thing, I can't. You wanna know what I was dreaming? No, you don't want to know, scratch that." She raised a brow at me and I groaned into my pillow.

"I don't know what to do, I was perfectly fine untill he kissed me and now..." I sighed, rubbing my temples.

"And now you're developing feelings for him?" Lovi asked, flopping on her back, "So what are you going to do? I doubt Ivan would be the kind to share."

I flushed deep red as images from my dream flooded my mind and I threw a pillow at her.

"What makes you think I'd want to have both of them in my bed!?"

She giggled, "Oh come on, you can't deny it! It's not like I would want my brother to be in bed with Ivan" she grumbled.

I groaned in agony again, "Oh I am so fucked, and you are so not helping."

"I can't help who I really am" she sighed, "Unless you want me to be Romano for a while, but you probably won't like what he'd have to say."

"Fuck, I give up."

"Just pretend like nothing happened, eventually it will go away."

"But I see him every day" I groan, "How can I forget if I keep seeing him every other minute of the day?"

"I didn't say forget him" she frowned, "just try to forget last night."

"Don'ts ay it like that" I whined, "then it sounds like more than a kiss."

She shrugged and I flopped face first into the large array of pillows.

"I just don't understand" I sighed, "Before last night I hadn't even thought of him in any sort of way like that, not even when the three of us were chatting in here. When we were in the dome, even then I felt so weird. Then We started walking and he yelled at me about not being safe around Ivan. He was so _diffrent_, so serious that he scared me."

"Maybe your a masochist" she said matter-of-factly.

"What?!"

"Maybe you felt good cause he yelled at you or something. I told you he could be scary when he wants to be." She shrugged, "It's a possibility."

"Number one, no. Number two, he wasn't yelling at me when we were up in the dome."

"But! He was very close to you, you were high up and afraid of heights, and the country is very beautiful, very romantic at night."

I rubbed my temples, "Stop making sence, your hurting my brain."

"Well, I could just start spitting out random noises, but then you'd get a headache faster" she giggled, flopping onto her back, "Why don't you try talking to them?"

"Not till I get my mind together, thank you very much."

I knitted my brows together, "Why were you in here in the first place anyways?"

Her face flushed and she looked away, "I was wondering if I could borrow one of your dresses" she mumbled and I gave her a questioning look.

"Aren't my dresses, like, way too short on you?"

"That's kinda the point" She bit her lip and it dawned on me when she was hinting at.

"Sure, the green one looks best on you, it brings out the red in your hair" I winked at her and she threw my pillow back at me.

/

_**OhmyfuckingGodwhatthehelliswrongwithmeh!**_

**So yea, some drama like always. I've been trying to lighten the mood in my stories a bit cause I've realised just how depressing they have been (whoops)**

**So, seems Maria is being torn, but what will she do?**

**Dun Dun Dun!**

**Please, please, please R&R! I'm seriously in the biggest writers block hole ever and my shvel dust broke so I need help clawing my way out! In other words, I'm looking for ideas!**

**Also depending on how many reviews I get will determine how much farther I take this story!**

**Also, I'm going to try to come up with another chapter as soon as I can, but I'm starting school again tomorrow and I've been busy. Sorry!**

**With much love~**

**~Yulie**


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